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a growing hatred

Posted by whodatninja , 07 February 2014 · 88 views

I'm starting to hate my body. it's betraying me. though i tried to calm myself down (said the krishna mantra several times), i'm shaking like a goddamn leaf. the coworkers think i'm cold so i put my jacket on but the shaking hasn't quelled. now the flashbacks are starting and everything i thought i forgot is coming at me full force. krishna help me i can't do this right now. i need to power through it until i can clock out. i wish i never clocked in this morning. i got a few more hours. then i can go home and curl up in my room and rock and cry and dread the next day when i gotta clock in. i feel so sick right now. i had a piece of bread to quell my stomach, but i don't know what else to do. i wish i can call my t and talk to him. i can't because he's so busy. i can't call him because i don't feel safe and it's too cold outside to use the phone. i can't do it at home because of nosy family members. krishna help me this is too difficult. i need  way out to be myself. i can't pretend anymore. i'm scared i might have another breakdown. i can't go to the hospital. i won't make it.

I am sorry you are struggling so much. Know that you are not alone. Please be gentle with yourself.

If you're reading this...

... then you know I don't put in trigger.gif labels. Welcome inside my head. You've been warned.

February 2016

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