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that stranger in the mirror

Posted by whodatninja , 31 August 2014 · 98 views

I don't know who I am any more. I can site my government name and serial number and whatever else but as for who I am I have no idea. Everyone in my life always told me what to do and how I should live but if I wanted to do anything that interested me in the remotest I get put down. Okay so I do what they say live the life they dictate so why am I still u...


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square crazy

Posted by whodatninja , 31 August 2014 · 98 views

Tomorrow is the last barbeque for the season. I don't want to go because I have to deal with RJ and his foolishness. It makes me sad because I still miss my dad. We will be leaving this house at the end of the year because it's too old to repair and it's infested with bugs cats and squirrels. No matter how clean we keep it due to the leaky basement and th...


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stupid books for stupid.people

Posted by whodatninja , 31 August 2014 · 144 views

I'm deleting and destroying everything. I'm deluding myself thinking I'm any good. Everyone keeps telling me I suck. But the there is not much else for me to do. I don't have any other talents. Since I can't write or paint or draw or program anything good enough or play since I can't hear shit and all i have is half finished projects I might as well die.


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confused

Posted by whodatninja , 31 August 2014 · 90 views

Mother asked me if I was going to cook dinner and I blew up. Why do I have to? Why can't lazy idiot sister do it? I don't want to eat with them. I don't want to be bothered. That's why I'm in my room today. I want to be left alone. Have that lazy cow do something other than antagonize me.


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the pain is always there

Posted by whodatninja , 31 August 2014 · 139 views

I looked up an old T I used to work with. He was the only one I trust. I don't know if will take on new patients or if he even remembers me. I want to see him before I go. At least he listened even if it's just an hour. I need to tell someone who will listen to me before I go.

My memory is so unreliable now these days from too many fights drinking and d...


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writing a.letter

Posted by whodatninja , 31 August 2014 · 87 views

I'm trying to write a letter to CB and it's difficult. I have nothing to write and I feel like I'm an undue burden on him. This is too hard. I can't pretend everything is fine with him because he can tell I'm not happy. Even though it's type written he can tell by word choice what's going on. He's the only one who can see through my bullshit lies.
What is...


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what to do

Posted by whodatninja , 31 August 2014 · 89 views

Everyone is talking about leaving this old house and going their separate ways. Then they ask what I plan and I said I'm living in a cheap motel. RJ wants me to live with him and I don't want that. I rather kill myself before being under his roof. The family act like I can't care for myself. Sister wants to live with me but then comes up with all these re...


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stumbling

Posted by whodatninja , 31 August 2014 · 68 views

RJ got drunk and tried to molest me again. I pushed him away and told him to sleep it off. He went on home. He tells he loves me and all that bullshit and I told him to stop shining me on. All he cares about is himself and satisfying his need. He has plans of me living with him for the next 30 years. I rolled my eyes and humored him saying sure whatever....


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far away

Posted by whodatninja , 30 August 2014 · 90 views

RJ stopped by and he talked about nothing. I wasn't paying much attention and told him I wasn't feeling well. He still wanted to talk and I said yeah sure and made other affirmative sounds. I really don't care.


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get on up

Posted by whodatninja , 30 August 2014 · 72 views

I hate getting unwarranted "advice" from others when I dare complain about my struggles. They think it's so easy to get up and going like nothing at all. They just don't get it. I can't tell them because they won't listen. Each day I feel worse. One day I might not be able to get up at all. Their shit advice won't help me then.






If you're reading this...

... then you know I don't put in trigger.gif labels. Welcome inside my head. You've been warned.

August 2014

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