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tried tested and found true

Posted by whodatninja , 05 February 2014 · 67 views

i used to think i was over my 'issues' and had no triggers. i thought my wall was thick enough, high enough and that nothing could hurt me. found wrong today. >_< i've been on edge for the past few days now and it's like EVERYTHING is setting me off. whether it's CB calling me bitching about my sending him money (though in the same breath 'i love...


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white noise

Posted by whodatninja , 05 February 2014 · 67 views

CB called me this morning. i was happy and kinda expected it, as i had my phone on. then i was annoyed since he was bugging me about sending him money after the usual pleasantries and asking about my mental state from his last call (he called sunday and helped me when i was going through crisis). i had to clench my teeth and not cuss him out when i asked...


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winter, february, cold, nightmares...

Posted by whodatninja , 05 February 2014 · 69 views

The month of February is the hardest for me, and winter in general. that was when the first time it happened and i suffered through 3 months of hell. my family could never figure why i dreaded winter (and tended to stay blitzed til spring). the nightmares are the hardest to deal with at that time because everything is in clarifying clear detail. if it was...


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no direction

Posted by whodatninja , 05 February 2014 · 83 views

I'm not sure what to do next after this. i wish i hadn't eaten anything, now my stomach's bothering me again >_<
since i finally told my story (well, the start of it), i feel like shit. i thought i would start to feel better, but instead feel worse, but not as bad as i felt before though, if it makes sense.
i used to keep blogs in the past, but i...


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Waking Up

Posted by whodatninja , 05 February 2014 · 71 views

Today was difficult. After the stress got to me, I started breaking again and seriously contemplated suicide. but CB's words rang in my head (he called sunday when i was having another panic attack and gave me really good advice) and i just rolled up into my therapist's office. he was suprirsed because of my unannounced visit. i normally don't show up out...


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a very long story

Posted by whodatninja , in my life i wish i didn't have 01 February 2014 · 34 views

I'm too disturbed right now and I can't sleep. I've been fighting all week and I can't go on. I keep deleting and restarting and deleting. i put a bit on my blog but i stared to self censor and it's not right and i ended up deleting it too. but i need this off my chest because if i don't say anything, i'll be in a place i don't want and i'm too scared to...






If you're reading this...

... then you know I don't put in trigger.gif labels. Welcome inside my head. You've been warned.

February 2014

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