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nowhere to turn

Posted by whodatninja , 06 February 2014 · 44 views

i feel trapped in my head, in my own private hell. i want the bad stuff gone, the dreams to disappear, the memories to be erased. i can't even bring myself to write about them, about the sights, sounds, smells, etc. i feel, i hear, i keep reliving it over and over. i want it to stop. i might brave this snow, get my cigarettes get some sangria and just cra...


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starting to doubt

Posted by whodatninja , 06 February 2014 · 59 views

CB called again, pleasantries then where's my money. i fake a smile and talk through my teeth and then i tell him i'm hanging up. he's not as different as i thought. i thought he loved me. i'm just another object to him. i'm going to hate him too, like i do RJ. i might just swear men off altogether. they're evil lying bastards.


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without warning

Posted by whodatninja , 06 February 2014 · 29 views

I was freaking out because i had to watch what i say and try to figure out if something i said would warrant a label or something, then i realised i had no real space to be myself without having to look over my shoulder. i don't care if someone else reads my blog. no one ever reads what i write or care what i have to say since i'm a liar and tell too many...


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in a fog

Posted by whodatninja , 06 February 2014 · 24 views

i can't stand it that my mom keeps asking me what's wrong, what's the matter what's bothering you. she know's something's wrong because i'm withdrawn, i stay in my room and i can't sleep. i can't tell her, she keeps saying she'll stop asking, she won't pry, but she's a nosy woman and keeps bugging me and bugging me. i wish she'd stop. i won't tell her, i...


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a hard night

Posted by whodatninja , 06 February 2014 · 59 views

i kept waking up. it was nothing but nightmares all night. i started fighting sleep, trying to keep awake when i felt myself dozing off so i wouldn't dream because i knew that i was going to dream bad things again. i feel so sick and dirty right now. i've never been so exhausted in my life. i don't want to see nighttime.


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and i wake up screaming

Posted by whodatninja , 06 February 2014 · 50 views

i haven't been sleeping well since i told my t monday the truth about the incident that caused my psychological problems. i hadn't even started discussing yet. but the dreams have worsened. i really can't sleep now, sweating and shaking after this vivid one. i need to get this out of my system. the usual warnings apply.
 
 
DREAM STARTS
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If you're reading this...

... then you know I don't put in trigger.gif labels. Welcome inside my head. You've been warned.

February 2014

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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.