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Posted by whodatninja , 29 November 2014 · 51 views

Today was nice and warm for a change. Mom was happy i was being pleasant though i was a bit crass to my cousins. I had one drink. So it was okay.. I dont fit in this family. I went outside to smoke and enjoy the weather also to get out of such oppressive atmosphere. Every last one of them are fake. How lucky they are to never have such horrific things do...


baby shower

Posted by whodatninja , 29 November 2014 · 42 views

Celebrating my cousin having a baby soon. Im in the corner with vodka hating them all. Family ask me when i will marry and have children and i snap at them. The same stupid questions they get the same answer not this lifetime,or the next. They think marriage and children will complete my life. That is not what i want. Even AC still bugs me about adoption....


pretending everything is okay

Posted by whodatninja , 29 November 2014 · 33 views

Old boss called and we talked a bit. He is happy his new company is doing well and encouraged me to keep working hard . I told him i hadnt forgotten the money i owed him and he said he was okay and dont worry since he knows im poor and it takes awhile. He still wants me to go to japan with him and i feel bad because i still dont have the money. He suggest...



Posted by whodatninja , 29 November 2014 · 52 views

After yet another bad expierence im drowning my sorrows in a bottle of wine..im so upset right now. My brother my stupid boyfriend everyone i just dont trust them. Even my so called friends hurt me! The fuck is in the water out here? Im never ever leaving the house and im never speaking to anyone. I just blocked everyone on my phone. I should just kill my...


enough with everything

Posted by whodatninja , 28 November 2014 · 47 views

I'm had it with family treating me like shit and constantly getting hurt by people,i thought i could trust. I made up my mind and just going to put an end to it. 18 years of suffering at 30 years old my life has not improved no matter how hard i try. I can't pretending all is well and that im fine. Im not,okay and adnt been for years. Im sick of being si...


new revised plans

Posted by whodatninja , 28 November 2014 · 24 views

Everyone keeps asking me if im ok. Its appaerent im faking at being ok. What can i tell them? That i hate my life and no longer wish to live? That im tired of being hurt and blamed for it like getting beaten and raped by monsters is somehow my falut. So i finally have a set plan. I just hope its successful. Feb 16 will be ironic. The same day my life was...



Posted by whodatninja , 28 November 2014 · 20 views

Tried to talk to,AC when he noticed i was upset. I,tried to tell him, but as usual it went over his head and he made light of it. Im trying to be honest and he keeps pssing me off. Im tired of pretending im fine. I alwayd have this happy mask on and inside i want to die. And no one sees the pain im in. I am,tired of acting because i'm not ok.


tipsy and still enraged

Posted by whodatninja , 27 November 2014 · 43 views

Trying to pretend im okay is,difficult. Im working on my second bottle of wine. Everyone is,asking me why im,not eating amd prefer to, drink and i told them im not happy. Then,i get static about being thankful and grateful,blah blah blah. Shut up. I hate life and men in general. I,dont even want my stupid boyfriend to touch me. AC is upset i,dont want him...


under the table

Posted by whodatninja , 27 November 2014 · 36 views

Doing my drinking as much wine i can handle to numb my pain. AC knows im upset but doesnt bug me about it. I told him im fine and we know im lying. I just hate holidays. I miss my dad. He been gone 11 years. I wish he was here. I feel so alone today.


turkey day

Posted by whodatninja , 27 November 2014 · 35 views

This is a stupid holiday. Guess why. Yeah thats why. Anyway, Everyone is blowing up my phone wanting to visit their house and grab a plate but know i dont drive. Fuck you all. And they wanna know why i hate them. Im still pissed from last night and still drinking. Mom mad and i dont care. I drink to dull the pain. Im in a lot of it and stupid drooling bea...

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... then you know I don't put in trigger.gif labels. Welcome inside my head. You've been warned.

December 2014

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