Everything has flipped
Unfortunately by stuffing the memory away I subconsciously continued to blame myself and carried around tremendous amounts of shame and self-loathing. For the last 13 years I've battled eating disorders, alcoholism, self-hate and so on because I never dealt with this. I am happy that the memory came back because now at the age of 32 as soon as it came back I recognized it as not being my fault and it in fact being a violent and criminal act commited on me. But now I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything. For the last 13 years I've felt like two people. I've been battling the other me that hated myself, hated my body, battled eating disorders, depression and alcoholism and now suddenly that person is gone. I'm happy that person is gone, but will she come back? I'm sad and angry for the last 13 years of my life... that they could have been different. They didn't have to be such a struggle.
How do you suddenly incorporate this into your life? How do you decide who to tell? Will it be a significant part of my life forever? Now knowing the tremendous amount of damage it did to me for the last 13 years, I want to help other women. How do you become active in the cause and does that mean going public with your story? In some ways I want to tell everyone so they know that this could happen to them too and so they don't have to spend 13 years hating themselves. In other ways I worry how that would be perceived, should I just try and move on? How has this affected me psychologically in ways that i might still not be aware?
My world has flipped and I'm so confused.
I hope to meet others going thru this so I can talk to people who relate.