Day 225: Temptation Backward
Each day for the last week or so I have receded a little further into my old self. I have a temptation that is a bit of a struggle. I'm hoping it won't be. It might not prove to actually even be a temptation. But, if it goes from an invitation to an actual temptation I feel confident I'll avoid my old behavior. I feel confident, and yet here I am feeling compelled to write about it. Perhaps it is simply that confession is good for the soul. Perhaps it is because this is on the front of my mind and I can't write anything else as long as it's here. That's probably it.
I might be feeling at risk because I have the upcoming self-catheterization appointment that feels terrifying. I know I'll be OK up to and through the appointment. But afterward. Afterward is when I am most likely to be in a terrible state. I find myself considering the possibility of arranging the tempting encounter to follow the self-catheterization appointment. It would push me completely free of any emotions related to that appointment.
I didn't realize I was thinking any of that. Once again, I marvel at how free-writing exposes me to myself.
I guess I better talk to my T about this tomorrow.