Day 195: Terrible News in an Inconvenient Place
I'm home. It feels like I was away for a long time because I haven't been keeping up with other's blogs here. So, I won't do a full posting tonight. I want to catch up with everyone.
I feel exhausted. I am sore from crying. As I wrote that posting last night I cried so much it was nearly impossible to type. It took me until the early hours of the morning this morning to finish and hit submit. I can't believe how much I cried. It felt like it wouldn't stop. But, eventually I ran out of energy and fell asleep. I'm very tired tonight. Hopefully that means I'll sleep well.
It was awful to receive this news the way I did, where I did. I was at the Sarah McLachlan concert, about 15 minutes from the start of the show, sitting next to my sister. It was not a place where I could envision someone experiencing such intense grief, and not a person with whom I could share it. I read the news and realized as I sat there I couldn't keep it together. I excused myself to use the restroom. And, since it was an outdoor venue, they only had pit toilets.
Thankfully I made it to a set of them that was separated. No one else was in that area. I shut myself into a stall, laid my head on my arm and just let the tears come. I cried harder than I ever have. I know that's not saying much since crying is new for me. But, it was so intense I couldn't breath. Maybe that's typical. I don't know.
On the up side, from a healing standpoint, I felt the emotion and was able to let it out. I wish I had someone to share it with, but at least I didn't stuff it in my body.
There are more tears in there. I feel them even now as I write this. But, I'm home and, again, this isn't the place.
Now . . . it's time for me to catch up with everyone's goings on. I know I won't get there in one sitting, but I'm looking forward to reconnecting!