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Day 166: Forgiving Myself for Needing Touch?

Posted by intrepidshe , in Touch, Healing Work 25 May 2014 · 578 views

May 25, 2014 Intrepid Age = 95 Days:
 
We had a great time with our friends today. I have felt the pain lingering in the background. Talking with my friend today about my healing process I realized how much shame I still feel.
 
I wrote a response in one of the forums about something I forgive myself for, which exemplifies my continuing struggle with shame. I was trying to forgive myself for needing touch:
 

Forgive me for asking you to

Touch me tenderly, without expectation of reward
Touch me here, but not here, or here
Ask me before you touch me
Ask me while you touch me
Ask me after you touch me
But, please, would you please touch me?

 
I realized today I don't need forgiveness for this! These words represent the shame I feel about needing touch. This is shame my mother gave me. Somehow I must give it back. I don't deserve it and I don't want it.



And also, recognise the courage and strength it took to have this insight. To 'break' this programming. This is wonderful :) :hug:

:hug: :hug:

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yarnfoolishness
May 26 2014 07:04 AM

Wonderful!!!!!

 

This shame belongs to them, those who hurt you, those who "trained" you into believing you don't need basic human needs.

 

SHAME on THEM.

 

Only compassion for you courageous one.

 

:hug:  :hug:  :hug:

(Only safe and only if wanted)

Wow. This is such a powerful realization!! Ur right, they are the ones who took this from you. You don't need to feel bad for wanting to be touched or not touched in certain ways. It's natural, it's okay, and it's healthy. Sending safe hugs ur way if you'd like them.

I agree with Yarn; shame on the abusers. 

 

Thank you for sharing this.  Take good care of you.

Intrepid, I would love to give you a hug. Consider this icon an approach that can be

 

1. stepped back from with a smile, that would be answered and understood.

2. Replaced with a handshake.

3. Replaced with a pat on the shoulder and back.

4. Received as a hug from a friend, a safe friend, a male who values you as a sister - someone who wants to give you something warm and real, if virtual.

 

Max

 

hug.gif

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intrepidshe
Jun 02 2014 07:53 AM

Intrepid, I would love to give you a hug. Consider this icon an approach that can be
 
1. stepped back from with a smile, that would be answered and understood.
2. Replaced with a handshake.
3. Replaced with a pat on the shoulder and back.
4. Received as a hug from a friend, a safe friend, a male who values you as a sister - someone who wants to give you something warm and real, if virtual.
 
Max
 
:hug:


Max,

That's wonderful! I feel it and I am thankful to you for doing that for me. It is a big step for me to receive this hug.

About Intrepid She

This is a moderated PUBLIC blog. This blog is a therapeutic tool I am using to help me get over my fear of doctors (which is made difficult by a history of abuse by them) to learn to grieve, and ultimately to integrate my dis-integrated heart.

 

View postings specific to health care.

View postings specific to touch.

View postings specific to crying.

 

The content of this blog is not appropriate for children or for anyone who might be triggered by reading about sexual abuse.

 

To the many others walking your own version of this path, I wish you well on your journey. -Intrepid

 

More Healing:

 

- Framed and Unashamed

- Yarnfoolishness' Journal

- Susanna's Blog

- What's Inside my Head?

- Healing Resources

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