Day 166: Forgiving Myself for Needing Touch?
We had a great time with our friends today. I have felt the pain lingering in the background. Talking with my friend today about my healing process I realized how much shame I still feel.
I wrote a response in one of the forums about something I forgive myself for, which exemplifies my continuing struggle with shame. I was trying to forgive myself for needing touch:
Forgive me for asking you to
Touch me tenderly, without expectation of reward
Touch me here, but not here, or here
Ask me before you touch me
Ask me while you touch me
Ask me after you touch me
But, please, would you please touch me?
I realized today I don't need forgiveness for this! These words represent the shame I feel about needing touch. This is shame my mother gave me. Somehow I must give it back. I don't deserve it and I don't want it.