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Day 158: Off Road

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 17 May 2014 · 185 views

May 17, 2014 Intrepid Age = 87 Days:
 
When I'm quiet, I am invisibly savage.
 
At rest I am placidly bloodthirsty. 
 
A banshee claws inside the armor. 
 
Reflection is the path to madness.
 
And headlong through the brambles
 
these words haunt me, have long hunted me:
 

It comes and it goes.

 

It ebbs then it flows.

 

It churns and it boils.

 

It soothes and it calms.

 

It drowns and sets free the soul.

 
Suffice to say I'm off road today.



messy

 

and that's good

 

it's allowed

I feel for you.

 

You did it. You rested/relaxed enough to see what is lurking, haunting, at the feeling level, under all the defenses. Scarey, yes, and, really understandable, given all you have been through.

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yarnfoolishness
May 17 2014 11:23 PM

Messy and muddy and living and breathing.   

 

I found your words evocative and stirring.   

 

A warrior no longer chained.  A warrior unaccustomed to peacetime.   

 

 

:cuppa:

 

I don't mind the mud.  

Powerful. Understandable. Little lost for words. Surprised how hard I found this to read. Maybe a little to close to the mark for me at the moment, as I climb out of the pit I fell into on Thursday. :hug: tgc
I couldn't rely when I read this yesterday. I found the emotions so raw that they made me want to shy away. These are powerful. Yours. Yes, very messy. And that is all 150% okay. I think when I start to feel I will feel this way too.
Btw I really like the idea of it being the unleashing of a warrior. You always hear in the military to control emotions. Stay cool. Level headed and react to the problem not the feelings. But I am not sure that I 100% agree with that tactic anymore. I think emotions can be like a homefield advantage. The give passion to keep you moving no matter how bad it gets and how much you want to give up. They give you the ability to do amazing things that seem impossible at any other time. Food for thought for me.
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intrepidshe
May 18 2014 09:56 PM

I identify very much with the warrior spirit. I am well aware of living my life as though I carry a sword and shield.

 

I think what's happening is the warrior is trying to return home, battle scarred and shell shocked.

have you heard the song "the warrior is a child?" by Twila Paris?

 

"People say that I'm amazing, never sound retreat, they don't see the enemy, lay me at his feet.

 

"They don't know

That I go running home

when I fall down

They don't know

who picks me up when no-one is around.

Drop my sword and cry for just a while

Because deep inside this armor

(deep inside)

deep inside this armor..

 

the warrior is a child.

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intrepidshe
May 19 2014 09:22 AM

have you heard the song "the warrior is a child?" by Twila Paris?
 
"People say that I'm amazing, never sound retreat, they don't see the enemy, lay me at his feet.
 
"They don't know
That I go running home
when I fall down
They don't know
who picks me up when no-one is around.
Drop my sword and cry for just a while
Because deep inside this armor
(deep inside)
deep inside this armor..
 
the warrior is a child.


Wow, Max! I have not heard it. I will now though!

About Intrepid She

This is a moderated PUBLIC blog. This blog is a therapeutic tool I am using to help me get over my fear of doctors, which is made difficult by a history of abuse by them, to learn to grieve, and ultimately to integrate my dis-integrated heart.

 

View postings specific to health care.

View postings specific to touch.

View postings specific to crying.

 

The content of this blog is not appropriate for children or for anyone who might be triggered by reading about sexual abuse.

 

To the many others walking your own version of this path, I wish you well on your journey. -Intrepid

 

More Healing:

 

- Framed and Unashamed

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