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Day 98: Rewriting my R*/SA Story? **Trigger Warning**

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 18 March 2014 · 220 views

Mar. 18, 2014 (27 Days Into Becoming): 
 
I have an idea for a writing project; I'm not sure if it's safe. I am thinking of envisioning how the r* and SA could have played out differently if I had a loving, supportive, protective family. I am considering rewriting my r*/SA story from that perspective. What would I have done had I been my mom?
 
The thing is, I can't quite put my finger on why I want to write it from this perspective. I'm not sure what I would gain from it. I'm afraid it would be triggering for me as well as others. I'm afraid it would be offensive in that it might imply a belief that somehow it wouldn't be as bad to go through r* and SA if you had loving supportive people.
 
So, I'd like to hear from others. What do you think? Would you consider such a writing activity? What rules or boundaries would you set to keep it safe for you and for others who read it? And, is it offensive?
 
Intrepid



I did an exercise like this today in T. Instead of a past event I envisioned the ideal response I would get when I decide to tell my parents.

Maybe instead of trying to put yourself in your moms role, try remaining in your role but envisioning what is the ideal response that you would receive from the 'loving ideal family', then reflect on what you needed from your mom in that moment.

I think it sounds like a great exercise!

I don't think it would be saying 'it would not be as bad if this had happened'. I think it would be saying 'what extra burdens did the reactions place on me that made this journey harder'.

It's sort of like imagining travelling a gruelling journey through the mountains. The journey remains no matter what, but if someone loaded your backpack down before you started with a whole load of kg weights it might make your journey much harder (particularly if you didn't know they were there). Conversely if someone walked with you on part of the journey and helped pull you up the steep bit or reassured you if you ran out of energy, you might find it easier. But you would still have had to travel the journey yourself.

I hope you find it a useful exercise :)

I think for me, what I want to recognise is how much my family's reactions weighed me down. Plus also how they effectively (mis)prepared me to cope with the journey in the first place.

I am reading a book, Mothers Who Can''t Love by Susan Forward (also wrote Toxic Parents ) and one of her healing exercises is to list the distortions we heard, and then refute them.The idea behind it is to give ourselves what we needed to hear, what we missed, because we are the only ones who really know what that might be. Self-parenting. The need is still unmet until you do it, I guess.

 

And yes, it could be triggering. You can deal with that.  It could also be very helpful, a missing link.

 

All my best...

So many great comments and ideas shared here...I think sometimes it is challenging to try to learn how to self parent when we are also trying to parent our children. Somehow like doing double duty? It can feel a little overwhelming...But I, too, have come to the conclusion that learning to self parent/deal with the issue of my inner child is like one of the last pieces of the puzzle for me to truly feel like I have found healing....

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intrepidshe
Mar 19 2014 07:34 PM

I did an exercise like this today in T. Instead of a past event I envisioned the ideal response I would get when I decide to tell my parents.

Maybe instead of trying to put yourself in your moms role, try remaining in your role but envisioning what is the ideal response that you would receive from the 'loving ideal family', then reflect on what you needed from your mom in that moment.

 

M, that's really helpful to think of it that way. Thanks!

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intrepidshe
Mar 19 2014 07:35 PM

I think it sounds like a great exercise!

I don't think it would be saying 'it would not be as bad if this had happened'. I think it would be saying 'what extra burdens did the reactions place on me that made this journey harder'.

It's sort of like imagining travelling a gruelling journey through the mountains. The journey remains no matter what, but if someone loaded your backpack down before you started with a whole load of kg weights it might make your journey much harder (particularly if you didn't know they were there). Conversely if someone walked with you on part of the journey and helped pull you up the steep bit or reassured you if you ran out of energy, you might find it easier. But you would still have had to travel the journey yourself.

I hope you find it a useful exercise smile.png

I think for me, what I want to recognise is how much my family's reactions weighed me down. Plus also how they effectively (mis)prepared me to cope with the journey in the first place.

 

Susanna,

 

the mountain metaphor is powerful for me. I really hear that! Thanks for the encouragement.

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intrepidshe
Mar 19 2014 07:35 PM

I am reading a book, Mothers Who Can''t Love by Susan Forward (also wrote Toxic Parents ) and one of her healing exercises is to list the distortions we heard, and then refute them.The idea behind it is to give ourselves what we needed to hear, what we missed, because we are the only ones who really know what that might be. Self-parenting. The need is still unmet until you do it, I guess.

 

And yes, it could be triggering. You can deal with that.  It could also be very helpful, a missing link.

 

All my best...

 

Jiva,

 

I ordered the book today, and a couple others. Thank you!

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intrepidshe
Mar 19 2014 07:36 PM

So many great comments and ideas shared here...I think sometimes it is challenging to try to learn how to self parent when we are also trying to parent our children. Somehow like doing double duty? It can feel a little overwhelming...But I, too, have come to the conclusion that learning to self parent/deal with the issue of my inner child is like one of the last pieces of the puzzle for me to truly feel like I have found healing....

 

I really struggle with comprehending the very idea of self parenting. Probably why it's hard for me to consider an exercise such as this.

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intrepidshe
Mar 20 2014 11:38 AM

My T encouraged the idea for this project today . . . in an unrelated conversation. I was going through my current homework (elaborating on 15 statements I wrote about doctors). One of the statements included a list of quotes. After I read them she said I should write my version of the statement, what I would say, or what I would want said if it was my child. It's very much along on the lines of what mcook said about "ideal responses."

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yarnfoolishness
Mar 20 2014 12:36 PM

I think this is a wonderful idea.  :)

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FinallyHere
Mar 20 2014 09:20 PM
Intrepid, I think this would be impactful at broad levels given your commitment and skill to writing as well as your thoughtfulness and ability to draw important connections. The research is so limited in this capacity that there is need for this narrative and "fantasy" to be told!!
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intrepidshe
Mar 20 2014 09:25 PM

Intrepid, I think this would be impactful at broad levels given your commitment and skill to writing as well as your thoughtfulness and ability to draw important connections. The research is so limited in this capacity that there is need for this narrative and "fantasy" to be told!!

 

Finally, I draw so much courage from your words. I am understanding in this moment what the word "encouragement" really means! Wow.

 

Thank you!

About Intrepid She

This is a moderated PUBLIC blog. This blog is a therapeutic tool I am using to help me get over my fear of doctors, which is made difficult by a history of abuse by them, to learn to grieve, and ultimately to integrate my dis-integrated heart.

 

View postings specific to health care.

View postings specific to touch.

View postings specific to crying.

 

The content of this blog is not appropriate for children or for anyone who might be triggered by reading about sexual abuse.

 

To the many others walking your own version of this path, I wish you well on your journey. -Intrepid

 

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