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Day 49 Healing Work (Forgiveness Is)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 28 January 2014 · 74 views

Jan. 28, 2014 (Countdown: 2 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I had an incredibly, incredibly busy day at work today, not one moment sitting quiet in my office. So, the cacophony in my head was pushed way back into the distance.
 
It was a good day.
 
I have to admit I am having increasing physical symptoms (abdominal pain mostly, and my heart was racing most of the night last night); but, I didn't get pulled toward a panic attack today. That feels like a victory to me.
 
This evening I have received a number of PMs and read a number of posts with very kind, encouraging, supportive messages. These messages made me feel less afraid. Right now I feel like I'm going to be OK. I might be scared and struggle during the conversation with the gynecologist, but I'll be OK.
 
Everyone's words are like a salve to an open wound. They have taken the sting away. Posted Image
 
Thank you!!
 
On another note, something Grace05 posted today about forgiveness really, really struck me:
 

 
You truly have made amazing strides in your healing, Intrepid and I admire you for that.  I can just think that your siblings must be going through a horrible time.  I've seen that there is a popular myth surrounding forgiveness.  The myth is that to forgive means that you diminish what happened and you take the accountability away from the abuser.  This is truly a myth that is very damaging, because forgiveness is actually fully acknowledging the horrible nature of what happened to a person and placing the blame right where it belongs (on the abuser), but absolutely refusing to let that trauma reign in one's life.  Forgiveness is saying "I am so much more than what someone else did to me".  Forgiveness says:  "You do not have control over my life".  Forgiveness is choosing victory over defeat.  Forgiveness is taking back the control that the abuser has stolen.  And forgiveness is extremely liberating.  All this said, forgiveness is very hard.  It must be one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do in my whole life (and I had to forgive over and over again until I finally believed it).
 
Intrepid, I applaud your bravery for facing your abuser and also for taking the step to forgive.  Where your siblings are concerned, I always remember that people are different and they handle similar situations differently.  For some people the steps might come quicker than others.  This does not make some people superior or inferior, but it just makes them different.  Maybe they need a longer period to be able to really face what happened to them and deal with the hurt and hopefully finally forgive.
 
You're an inspiration to me, Intrepid.
 

 
I think it's important to reiterate what she said:
 
I've seen that there is a popular myth surrounding forgiveness.  The myth is that to forgive means that you diminish what happened and you take the accountability away from the abuser. This is truly a myth that is very damaging, because forgiveness is actually:
  • fully acknowledging the horrible nature of what happened to a person and
  • placing the blame right where it belongs (on the abuser), but
  • absolutely refusing to let that trauma reign in one's life
  • saying "I am so much more than what someone else did to me"
  • "You do not have control over my life"
  • choosing victory over defeat
  • taking back the control that the abuser has stolen
  • is extremely liberating. 
All this said, forgiveness is very hard.
 
It's important for me to deeply absorb this message. I have attained forgiveness of those who harmed me, but I have not figured out how to forgive myself.
 
I didn't realize that.
 
 



About Intrepid She

This is a moderated PUBLIC blog. This blog is a therapeutic tool I am using to help me get over my fear of doctors, which is made difficult by a history of abuse by them, to learn to grieve, and ultimately to integrate my dis-integrated heart.

 

View postings specific to health care.

View postings specific to touch.

View postings specific to crying.

 

The content of this blog is not appropriate for children or for anyone who might be triggered by reading about sexual abuse.

 

To the many others walking your own version of this path, I wish you well on your journey. -Intrepid

 

More Healing:

 

- Framed and Unashamed

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