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Day 42 Happy Thoughts (A Little Challenging Today)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 22 January 2014 · 111 views

Jan. 21, 2014 (Countdown: 9 days to gynecologist consultation):
It is a little challenging today to generate this posting. I'm really fighting with myself. For the last hour I thought I would just skip it for tonight. But, I spaced out on some TV and calmed down. I'm feeling dissociative today. I have a trigger happening at work that I'll be dealing with every day until the appointment. The trigger is my calendar. We're at the point now that in meetings we are often looking at the week when the appointment will happen. So, I keep seeing it. I got dizzy today in a meeting because of it. Thankfully it didn't last long and I'm sure no one noticed.
I considered changing the entry so it wouldn't look like a doctor appointment. But, with my memory problems, and the anxiety I'm feeling, if I do that, I'll end up missing the appointment.
Also, perhaps it's good practice to use my coping strategies over these next 9 days.
So, that's why I HAVE to do this posting. My daily Happy Thoughts list is one of those strategies. I must stick with it; and I shall.
  • I am happy about my life in general. I have a lot of joy every day. I laugh and I get to do very rewarding, creative, challenging work.
  • One of my children is about to start college early. I'm incredibly, indescribably proud of this achievement. It was actually pretty awful to get to this point and not exactly a happy situation until the very end. He showed an absolute iron will getting through everything he has over the last four years. I can't wait to hold a celebration for him!
  • Another one of my children is about to skip over a level in math because he got a perfect score in his engineering course. He is most likely going to be jumped into the engineering baccalaureate program. This is the child who wanted to avoid classes that had a lot of homework, who I fought with all summer and forced to take the honors courses. He's very fun loving and artistic. But, I just knew he'd get bored and get in trouble if he wasn't in difficult classes. Now, we're half way through the year and he's having the time of his life. He loves the classes and he's actually doing well in them. Who'd have imagined that?! I was worried that I was pushing him too hard because of what happened with his older brother. Now, I think it was the right decision and he will reap rewards the rest of his life. I sure hope so!
  • I received some incredibly heart-warming feedback today at my job from a client. It was completely unexpected and reminded me how lucky I am to do what I do for a living. People put their trust in me and my team and it is no small honor. I feel so humble. I pray to always, always, rise to the worthiness of that trust.
  • I have been reading and learning so much every day on this site. I feel pain and sadness seeing the many injuries people endure. I feel awe and admiration at the courage, patience, and gentle compassion of the people here. I pray to also always rise to being worthy of all of you.
Today's Songs of the Day:
Walk on the Ocean by Toad the Wet Sprocket (I love the message)

No Rain by Blind Melon (I love the quirkiness and fierce independence)

Jan 22 2014 01:14 PM

Keep it up!

Jan 22 2014 08:33 PM


About Intrepid She

This is a moderated PUBLIC blog. This blog is a therapeutic tool I am using to help me get over my fear of doctors, which is made difficult by a history of abuse by them, to learn to grieve, and ultimately to integrate my dis-integrated heart.


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The content of this blog is not appropriate for children or for anyone who might be triggered by reading about sexual abuse.


To the many others walking your own version of this path, I wish you well on your journey. -Intrepid


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