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Day 38 Happy Thoughts (State of Independence)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things, Crying 18 January 2014 · 218 views

Jan. 17, 2014 (Countdown: 13 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I was brought up with a strong religious belief system. However, I don't believe in religion anymore. But I do still feel strong chords of spirituality. Religious music is very stirring to me. Perhaps because of something specific that happened in my childhood.
 
When I was very small, I experienced a vision. It happened around the time I was r---d. I have never been able to figure out if this vision was before or after the r---. But in that vision I received the affirmation that I would always be alright. My child's mind simply accepted it as truth. And, in all of the years, with all of the things that happened, I carried a belief (a still small voice) that I would ultimately be OK. I certainly had many times I didn't know how I would get through. I had times I didn't want to get through and wished for an out from the life I was living.
 
Songs like "State of Independence" are part of the reason I did get through. And, I imagine with future challenges, I will always turn to music that wakens my soul.
 
I am thinking now of a voice I miss hearing -- the incomparable, Donna Summer. She recorded this song with an all star choir singing backup. Something about that fact stirs me as well.
 
I am raising my thanks to Miss Summer and those involved with this song for the hope it has brought me in many hopeless moments.
 
I have wonderful memories of riding my bike with this song playing in my earphones. I would stand up on the bike and sway back and forth like you do at a concert, imagining I was raising myself up to the sky and just grazing heaven with the tips of my fingers. It was an intensely joyful experience that somehow allowed me to make it through some of my darkest times.
 
This song can bring tears to my eyes. And, I think some of those tears could be ones that have never been able to be released.
 




About Intrepid She

This is a moderated PUBLIC blog. This blog is a therapeutic tool I am using to help me get over my fear of doctors (which is made difficult by a history of abuse by them) to learn to grieve, and ultimately to integrate my dis-integrated heart.

 

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The content of this blog is not appropriate for children or for anyone who might be triggered by reading about sexual abuse.

 

To the many others walking your own version of this path, I wish you well on your journey. -Intrepid

 

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June 2016

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