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Intrepid She



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Day 121: A Night Off

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work, Happy Things 10 April 2014 · 86 views

Apr. 10, 2014 (50 Days Into Becoming):
 
T-minus 5 minutes until I leave to go to a concert to see my favorite band in Portland, OR . . . one of my favorite places, with one of my favorite people . . . my long-time friend.
 
Intrepid


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Day 120: I Need to Matter

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 09 April 2014 · 148 views

Apr. 9, 2014 (49 Days Into Becoming):
 
I have been doing some work related to having a mother who can't love. One of the byproducts of growing up with this kind of mother is learning to always put other people first. I think this is also a byproduct of other forms of child abuse.
 
An irony struck me today on this subject. What motivates m...


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Day 119: Exhausting Day of Confrontations

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 08 April 2014 · 137 views

Apr. 8, 2014 (48 Days Into Becoming):
 
I had two confrontations today that have left me feeling utterly spent. The first confrontation was barely a confrontation at all, but it was a big deal for me. The second one was a very big deal and has potential future implications at my job.
 
But first, one other big thing happened today that added to...


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Day 118: 2nd Time of a Doctor Touching Me

Posted by intrepidshe , in Gynecology, Healing Work 07 April 2014 · 170 views

Apr. 7, 2014 (47 Days Into Becoming):
 
For an hour today a doctor laid hands on me (not for treatment, just touching me to help me as a friend, helping me learn to be comfortable with touch). My body had its anxiety reactions (trembling, quaking, and little convulsions) the whole time. And she was great about it. She told me she was sorry for the th...


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Day 117: Fears and Plans for Tomorrow's Doctor Appointment

Posted by intrepidshe , in Gynecology, Healing Work 06 April 2014 · 185 views

Apr. 6, 2014 (21.5 hours until appointment , 46 Days Into Becoming):
 
I've managed not to think too much about this until just now: tomorrow I have a doctor appointment to look at my neck and shoulder. I have pain in my wrist and arm that seems to be caused by proximal nerve impingement. If I go through with the appointment I'll probably find o...


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Day 116: Confronting My T*/Confronting my Mom

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 05 April 2014 · 128 views

Apr. 5, 2014 (45 Days Into Becoming):
 
I felt bad yesterday because my T* said she didn't know if she is the right T for me, she isn't sure I'm making progress. And we had a disagreement about homosexuality. The responses to my posting on the subject were incredibly thoughtful and offered many helpful ideas. The various perspectives caused me...


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Day 115: Am I Failing T*?

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 04 April 2014 · 210 views

Apr. 4, 2014 (44 Days Into Becoming):
 
First, I want to enjoy the numbers associated with this posting: 4/4/14 day 44. I'm not superstitious, nor do I know anything about numerology, but I do enjoy the pattern. It makes me think there are four fundamental aspects to an individual:
Heart: what I feel
Mind: what I think
Body: what I do
Soul: what it m...


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Day 114: A Doctor Touched Me Today

Posted by intrepidshe , in Gynecology, Healing Work, Touch 03 April 2014 · 180 views

Apr. 3, 2014 (43 Days Into Becoming):
 
I work with physicians every day. I spend a lot of time around them in settings outside of clinics and hospitals in meetings. In these settings they are just co-workers. They aren't wearing lab coats. They're just people who want to make the world a better place. We work toward that purpose with great enth...


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Day 113: Reaching out to Emptiness

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work, Touch 02 April 2014 · 437 views

Apr. 2, 2014 (42 Days Into Becoming):
 
I wasn't held as an infant. I learned this from a cousin who, one day apropos of nothing said, "It was so sad the way you were as a child. You would stand way back away from people. I think it was because your mom didn't hold you. You didn't know how to let anyone touch you. Then, when you decided it was OK, yo...


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Day 112: Ripped from God's Hands (TW for this topic)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 01 April 2014 · 279 views

Apr. 1, 2014 (41 Days Into Becoming):
 
When I was a small child I experienced a vision. I was probably six years old. I don't know if this happened before the first r* or afterward. It might have been around the time I was m* by a girl my age. She was in the same grade as me and our families were best friends. We went to Catholic school.
 
One...






About Intrepid She

This is a moderated PUBLIC blog. This blog is a therapeutic tool I am using to help me get over my fear of doctors, which is made difficult by a history of abuse by them, to learn to grieve, and ultimately to integrate my dis-integrated heart.

 

View postings specific to health care.

View postings specific to touch.

View postings specific to crying.

 

The content of this blog is not appropriate for children or for anyone who might be triggered by reading about sexual abuse.

 

To the many others walking your own version of this path, I wish you well on your journey. -Intrepid

 

More Healing:

 

- Framed and Unashamed

- Yarnfoolishness' Journal

- Susanna's Blog

- What's Inside my Head?

- Healing Resources

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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.