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Intrepid She



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Day 42 Happy Thoughts (A Little Challenging Today)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 22 January 2014 · 286 views

Jan. 21, 2014 (Countdown: 9 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
It is a little challenging today to generate this posting. I'm really fighting with myself. For the last hour I thought I would just skip it for tonight. But, I spaced out on some TV and calmed down. I'm feeling dissociative today. I have a trigger happening at work that I'll be d...


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Day 42 Healing Work (Through the Mud)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 21 January 2014 · 158 views

Jan. 21, 2014 (Countdown: 9 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
Every day I take a step. It doesn't always feel like it, though. A step might be a matter of pulling my foot out of the mud, retrieving my shoe from the mud (because it came off as I pulled my foot out), returning the soggy shoe to my foot, and then pressing my foot back into...


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Day 41 Happy Thoughts (Joy in the Recording)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 21 January 2014 · 142 views

Jan. 20, 2014 (Countdown: 10 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
As I was driving to a meeting today a song came on the radio (I can't remember now the title or anything) that is one of those songs that fills me with joy when I hear it. I always imagine that the musicians were having a blast when they were recording it and some of their e...


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Day 41 Healing Work (How to Cry?)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work, Crying 20 January 2014 · 191 views

Jan. 20, 2014 (Countdown: 10 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I just have some random thoughts to share tonight.
 
I had a really good weekend, restful and rejuvenating. But I'm feeling unsettled this evening and my stomach hurts. I guess it's just anticipation building up. I have therapy this Thursday, which makes me anxious. I don't...


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Day 40 Happy Thoughts (A Good Day)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 19 January 2014 · 223 views

Jan. 19, 2014 (Countdown: 11 days to gynecologist consultation):
I really enjoyed the playoff games today. The team I was rooting for won. I don't normally root for a team. I just enjoy a competitive game. I love the athleticism and strategy. I love the pomp and enthusiasm. Today I loved the outcome as well.
I got a another great night of sleep...


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Day 40 Healing Work (The Meaning of 40 Days)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 19 January 2014 · 126 views

Jan. 19, 2014 (Countdown: 11 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
Forty days.
 
I started this healing process forty days ago.
 
Because of my upbringing with religion I can't help but feel a sort of significance with this number. I suppose there is some similarity. I am going through a desert, searching for a new home . . . that home...


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Day 39 Happy Thoughts (Anthem Songs)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 19 January 2014 · 173 views

Jan. 18, 2014 (Countdown: 12 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I got a lot of sleep last night and did not wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. 
I'm feeling inspired tonight by anthem songs related to accepting ourselves. I'm thinking of two performances from Glee:

 
Born This Way - by Lady Gaga ...


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Day 39 Healing Work (Pictures, Hotwheel Tracks and Arrow Sticks) --TW--

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 18 January 2014 · 843 views

Jan. 18, 2014 (Countdown: 12 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I'm having a day with a lot of memories emerging, not suppressed memories, but things I don't think about.
 
--I have something to share that might be triggering.--
 
After noticing a forum on the topic of "SA Involving Being Filmed/Photographed " I remembered the man...


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Day 38 Happy Thoughts (State of Independence)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things, Crying 18 January 2014 · 218 views

Jan. 17, 2014 (Countdown: 13 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I was brought up with a strong religious belief system. However, I don't believe in religion anymore. But I do still feel strong chords of spirituality. Religious music is very stirring to me. Perhaps because of something specific that happened in my childhood.
 
W...


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Day 38 Healing Work (Peaceful in the Eye of the Storm)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 17 January 2014 · 133 views

Jan. 17, 2014 (Countdown: 13 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I don't have an exercise to write about today, nor a topic that feels like it needs to be voiced. I had a pretty low key day, internally speaking. I wasn't snippy or easily annoyed as I have been the last two days.
 
I feel a bit like I'm in the eye of the storm. It's a mome...


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Day 37 Happy Thoughts (Song of the Day)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 16 January 2014 · 146 views

Jan. 16, 2014 (Countdown: 14 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
So often lately I have had songs running through my head as I've been working on the blog. Well, in truth, I have songs running through my head pretty much all the time. I often break out into song during my work day because I can't contain what's in my head.http://www.pandys.org...


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Day 37 Healing Work (Losses, Battles, and a Shout Out)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 16 January 2014 · 202 views

Jan. 16, 2014 (Countdown: 14 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I have two topics today: (1) a shout-out to Yarnfoolishness; and (2) a response to a healing exercise.
 
(1) Shoutout
 
Yarnfoolishiness, I hope you don't mind. I just wanted to send my appreciation for your courage as you tread a few steps ahead of me on the same...


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Day 36 Happy Thoughts (Thank You For Hearing, For Loving, For Seeing, For Not Hurting Me)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 15 January 2014 · 356 views

Jan. 15, 2014 (Countdown: 15 days to gynecologist consultation):
I had a bit of a difficult process today to work through, but now, a few hours later, I feel better. I feel resolved and calm.
I am feeling incredibly inspired and thankful today because of what I'm learning from others here.
I am wishing and hoping someone who has t...


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Day 36 Healing Work (Piercing the Barrier to Rage)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 15 January 2014 · 208 views

Jan. 15, 2014 (Countdown: 15 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
Generally I can keep my mind from thinking about the upcoming appointment, except during times I have designated as "healing work" (like during my blog postings and when I'm talking to my therapist). But, I might have experienced a subconscious increase in anxiety today that...


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Day 35 Happy Thoughts (Or Healing Work? and Your Signed Cast)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 14 January 2014 · 185 views

Jan. 14, 2014 (Countdown: 16 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I think it's possible today that my Healing Work posting was also my Happy Thoughts posting. My healing work was pretty positive. I'm happy about that!
 
Another thing I'm happy about today is the metaphor of "signing casts." In our society, when someone breaks their arm or...


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Day 35 Healing Work (Comfort Zone Triggers vs. Anxiety Triggers)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 14 January 2014 · 375 views

Jan. 14, 2014 (Countdown: 16 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I'm always more than a little philosophical when I write my Healing Work posting. Tonight might be even more than usual.http://www.pandys.org/forums//public/style_emoticons/default/huh.png
 
There's this thread I'm really enjoying in which people are discussing comfort zone...


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Day 34 Happy Thoughts (The Beatles)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 13 January 2014 · 172 views

Jan. 13, 2014 (Countdown: 17 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
My Happy Thoughts tonight are all about music again . . . that's what I get for referencing a Beatles song in my Healing Work posting! Here are Beatles songs for which I am eternally thankful (ok, just a few 'cuz I could probably list 20 or more):
 
Norwegian Wood - 'cuz it...


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Day 34 Healing Work (Cruel, Ugly Judgment)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 13 January 2014 · 320 views

Jan. 13, 2014 (Countdown: 17 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
Today I helped my older child finalize a very difficult decision. I won't specify what it was, since I want to keep a wide boundary around anything involving my children. They are the most important part of my life and I don't want to share their stories without their permis...


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Day 33 Happy Thoughts (Thankful For)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 12 January 2014 · 205 views

Jan. 12, 2014 (Countdown: 18 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I am feeling thankful today. I took it pretty easy and spent the day around the house. I decided my "Happy Thoughts" today are things for which I'm thankful.
The community here in Pandy's. I have been able to say things I have kept locked behind a wall of shame and I have never f...


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Day 33 Healing Work (Memory Recovery --TW --)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 12 January 2014 · 157 views

Jan. 12, 2014 (Countdown: 18 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
--Trigger Warning-- not for SA, for descriptions of physical injuries
 
The car accident outside my house yesterday proved to be quite triggering for me. I had stomach pain last night that felt like I had eaten sharp-edged rocks. I had a good evening nonetheless, b...






About Intrepid She

This is a moderated PUBLIC blog. This blog is a therapeutic tool I am using to help me get over my fear of doctors (which is made difficult by a history of abuse by them) to learn to grieve, and ultimately to integrate my dis-integrated heart.

 

View postings specific to health care.

View postings specific to touch.

View postings specific to crying.

 

The content of this blog is not appropriate for children or for anyone who might be triggered by reading about sexual abuse.

 

To the many others walking your own version of this path, I wish you well on your journey. -Intrepid

 

More Healing:

 

- Framed and Unashamed

- Yarnfoolishness' Journal

- Susanna's Blog

- What's Inside my Head?

- Healing Resources

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Contact Me Outside Pandys

I can be reached by email at a Gmail account based on my userid here in Pandys. I'm sure you can piece it together. I won't enter the address here because of bots that read email addresses from screens. I really don't want spam. But I wanted people outside of Pandys to be able to reach me.

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.