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Intrepid She



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Day 206: Posted Yesterday

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 05 July 2014 · 146 views

July 4, 2014 Intrepid Age = 134 Days:
 
I took so long to write my posting for yesterday, July 3, that I posted it today, July 4. As such, I don't really have a posting for today. Today was spent with friends at a barbeque. It was great fun to catch up with people.


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Day 205: Wednesday's Horrifying Splinter (extreme trigger warning)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Crying, Neglect, Touch, Healing Work 04 July 2014 · 1,051 views

July 3, 2014 Intrepid Age = 133 Days:
 
I started and wrote most of this yesterday (July 3rd), but didn't get it posted until today, July 4th. This is VERY long. I needed to get it out. It has made me sick having it inside me; and it made me sick writing it.
 

Yesterday we drove for just under 10 hours to arrive at our friend's house. It has al...


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Day 203: Reprieve Over <Trigger Warning>

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 01 July 2014 · 347 views

July 1, 2014 Intrepid Age = 131 Days:
 
It was a good run these last few days. After that big eruption of emotion last week I have been feeling light and playful. Today I am anxious and in pain. I think the main culprit is knowing I have T tomorrow and will talk about my posting from June 20th . My fears and revultion with clothing shopping are inten...


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Day 202: A Good Day

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things, Healing Work 30 June 2014 · 332 views

June 30, 2014 Intrepid Age = 130 Days:
 
I have slept well three nights in a row. Really well! It has been the not waking in the middle of the night, not laying for an hour or two trying to fall asleep, not having nightmares, being woken by the alarm clock wondering, "what the hell?" type of sleeping well. And boy was I full of it today! My poo...


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Day 201: Cliff Jumping

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 29 June 2014 · 289 views

June 29, 2014 Intrepid Age = 129 Days:

I posted this elsewhere, but I keep thinking about it, so I guess it needs more attention.
 

It takes time and persistence to work splinters to the surface; and then a cliff dive into trust to pull them out.
 
I used to do that a lot when I was young (jump from cliffs into rivers). I remember that momen...


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Day 200: Volitile Eruption (TRIGGER WARNING)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Crying, Touch, Healing Work 28 June 2014 · 407 views

June 28, 2014 Intrepid Age = 128 Days:
 
Friends
 
Some days one foot cannot find its place beside the other, yet I continue to propel forward.
Some days it feels like dub fails to follow lub, yet oxygen flows to my limbs.
Some days I fear the sun just will not rise, yet it wakens me through my curtains, much to my surprise....


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Day 198: Can't Post

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 26 June 2014 · 204 views

 June 26, 2014 Intrepid Age = 126 Days:
 
I just don't have it in me tonight.


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Day 197: Injurious Trigger

Posted by intrepidshe , in Crying, Touch, Healing Work 25 June 2014 · 376 views

June 25, 2014 Intrepid Age = 125 Days:
 
I have a friend I've known for a very long time with whom I have been out of contact for a few years (five or six maybe) who contacted me a couple days ago as we was getting ready to move to my area. I will refer to her as Elizabeth (Liza). She knew from Facebook where I was. She decided to leave her husband....


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Day 196: No Entry

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 25 June 2014 · 147 views

June 24, 2014 Intrepid Age = 124 Days:

I was not able to post an entry yesterday. A friend had an urgent problem I helped her address.


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Day 195: Terrible News in an Inconvenient Place

Posted by intrepidshe , in Crying, Healing Work 23 June 2014 · 323 views

June 23, 2014 Intrepid Age = 123 Days:
 
I'm home. It feels like I was away for a long time because I haven't been keeping up with other's blogs here. So, I won't do a full posting tonight. I want to catch up with everyone.
 
I feel exhausted. I am sore from crying. As I wrote that posting last night I cried so much it was nearly impossible to t...


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Day 194: In Remeberance to an Earstwhile Mother

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 22 June 2014 · 289 views

June 22, 2014 Intrepid Age = 122 Days:
 
When I was in high school I became friends with a girl whose family later wanted to adopt me. I just learned today that their mom died last month. I lost touch with them when I moved away from Portland 14 years ago. I felt bad about that over the years, but did not have the resources to reestablish a...


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Day 192: Particularly Painful and Healing

Posted by intrepidshe , in Crying, Touch, Healing Work 21 June 2014 · 331 views

June 20, 2014 Intrepid Age = 120 Days:
 
Whew. It is so late that it is now yesterday I am writing about. I spent time with my sister this evening. It was good. We went through play lists and introduced music to one another. We have always shared a great passion for music and enjoy exchanging new discoveries.
 
This evening I went out to dinner...


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Day 191: Splinters

Posted by intrepidshe , in Crying, Touch, Healing Work 19 June 2014 · 341 views

June 19, 2014 Intrepid Age = 119 Days:
 
It turns out it is really hard to understand what it means to matter to people; and that makes no sense to me. I completely understand what it feels like when someone matters to me, when someone I love is in pain or struggling in some way. I feel an intense need to help and protect them, to encourage and...


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Day 190: More on SUI <TRIGGER WARNING>

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 18 June 2014 · 371 views

June 18, 2014 Intrepid Age = 118 Days:
 
Before I launch into a pretty heavy topic again, I just want to say, "Hooray! I'm still breathing easy and clearly!" It feels so good!
 
Maybe I'm a bit of a challenge from a therapy perspective. I don't know. I always have things to talk about, too many things. I write every day and have difficulty deter...


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Day 189: Breathing

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 17 June 2014 · 293 views

June 17, 2014 Intrepid Age = 118 Days

What a night and then what a day! I maybe got 3 hours of sleep last night. I got up and went for a walk with AF this morning. The sunlight and exercise, as well as the smile on my heart turned my mood around. I had a good work day, productive and very enjoyable.

At the end of the day I went to AF's house for a neck/...


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Day 187: Jekyll and Hyde

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 15 June 2014 · 260 views

June 15, 2014 Intrepid Age = 116 Days:
 
My sister is coming to visit this week. She'll be here for the next six days and then we'll be going to Portland for the weekend to see Sarah McLaughlin. I'll probably not be as active over this next ten days. I'll miss keeping up with everyone. Please know my heart is with you and supporting you my wonde...


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Day 186: Heart of Heaven

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 15 June 2014 · 398 views

June 14, 2014 Intrepid Age = 115 Days:
 
So, I went to AF's yesterday to have dinner with her family in celebration of her birthday. It was great, great fun! So much laughter and playfulness. It warmed my heart and filled me with joy. I had a little bit too much to drink by the time I might have considered driving back home. I live about 40 minutes f...


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Day 184: One Fear at a Time (Trigger Warning)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 12 June 2014 · 292 views

June 12, 2014 Intrepid Age = 113 Days:
 
Pain. Deep and steady. It used to ride as a quiet undercurrent, an underground river flowing out of an aquifer. Now it is more of a wind storm. And, I really hate wind. I had some terrifying experiences with wind growing up. There was the wind blowing the camper around as we drove along treacherous roads...


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Day 183: Plans for Reducing SUI <trigger warning>

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 11 June 2014 · 377 views

June 11, 2014 Intrepid Age = 112 Days:
 
It was very awkward today in my T session to discover that sui* ideation is a bit of a big deal. I don't mean to sound like I take it lightly. It's just that for me, having such thoughts, isn't something I believed mattered. I don't see myself as ever taking any affirmative steps. At least not like when I...


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Day 182: Shut That Baby Up! <Trigger Warning>

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 10 June 2014 · 355 views

June 10, 2014 Intrepid Age = 111 Days:
 
Patience, trust, and love.
 
I know I need to lean into these emotions, but god, it's so hard! I also need to improve my self-soothing skills. I had a horrible, horrible night last night because I was racked with fear, which sparked self-loathing and even . . . umm . . . even . . . sui* ideation . No...






About Intrepid She

This is a moderated PUBLIC blog. This blog is a therapeutic tool I am using to help me get over my fear of doctors (which is made difficult by a history of abuse by them) to learn to grieve, and ultimately to integrate my dis-integrated heart.

 

View postings specific to health care.

View postings specific to touch.

View postings specific to crying.

 

The content of this blog is not appropriate for children or for anyone who might be triggered by reading about sexual abuse.

 

To the many others walking your own version of this path, I wish you well on your journey. -Intrepid

 

More Healing:

 

- Framed and Unashamed

- Yarnfoolishness' Journal

- Susanna's Blog

- What's Inside my Head?

- Healing Resources

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Contact Me Outside Pandys

I can be reached by email at a Gmail account based on my userid here in Pandys. I'm sure you can piece it together. I won't enter the address here because of bots that read email addresses from screens. I really don't want spam. But I wanted people outside of Pandys to be able to reach me.

June 2016

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