Jump to content


Intrepid She



Photo

Heart Made Whole

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work, Touch, Crying 02 June 2016 · 113 views

June 2, 2016
 
So, so much has happened in the weeks since I last posted. There has been a great deal of communication going on among everyone and a fair amount of increasing awareness.
 
First , we found out there is a baby. (Not that it happened first, it's just the biggest news!) She is the one who was put in a box and put in the dresser dra...


Photo

Remarkable Week

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 22 April 2016 · 136 views

April 22, 2016
 
Everything is happening so fast right now. My healing process seems to be happening in a hyperoxygenated environment. Tissues that otherwise would not heal, or would become necrotic, are now starting to perfuse. Pardon my geeky metaphor! I don't know a way to say what I've experienced this week. It feels like I lived twice the number...


Photo

Trust in Therapist <trigger warning>

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 19 April 2016 · 201 views

Apr. 19, 2016
 
In our session last night with Airmid, and in one of my recent emails to her, we discussed something that's contributing to us not trusting our T. Several of the others might benefit from talking to her, namely Annie and Katherine  - who seem to have the greatest struggles. Airmid would like our T's help specifically for their be...


Photo

Huge Integration Spark

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 18 April 2016 · 169 views

April 18, 2016

I'm beyond exhausted right now but very much need to capture this before I go to sleep. We had treatment with Airmid tonight. It feels a little like we've been in a boxing match. But that's not what I want to write about.

Tonight at the end of the session (what I thought was the end of the session), when we were debriefing, I felt pain t...


Photo

My Haunted Eyes

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 13 April 2016 · 177 views

Apr. 13, 2016
 
My first intent tonight is to post the next drawing, which is the other drawing of eyes peering out from nothingness . . . this time I am pretty sure the eyes are mine because they look like mine.
 
This drawing had a poem on the page:


 
 
In case the handwriting is not legible, the poem says:
 
Open your ey...


Photo

Peering Out from Nothingness

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 10 April 2016 · 154 views

Apr. 10, 2016
 
I have always had a feeling of being viewed as an object; and I have always felt a desire to be invisible as a result. I know this relates in part to being photographed by my SF. I know it relates to feeling like people saw what was happening to me and did nothing.
 
However, every bit as much as I wanted them to do something to...


Photo

The Virus Within

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 09 April 2016 · 196 views

Apr. 9, 2016
 

 
A part of me drew this image when I was in therapy in my early twenties. This is one of the images that is in the collection I came across some weeks ago. The drawing was entitled, "The Rage Virus." I don't know why. What I see in this image is my structure and how it is expressed in the world.
 
There are four areas, dee...



Photo

Internal Conflicts

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 03 April 2016 · 146 views

Apr. 3, 2016
 
It was very difficult last week, through yesterday. I think I spent a good deal of time over the last six days phased out. I had a lot of pain, inflammation, headache, nausea, dizziness, and insomnia . . . the usual constellation of symptoms associated with suppressing something. The clouds started to clear a bit on Friday. I went...


Photo

Integration Process and Worries

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 29 March 2016 · 222 views

Mar. 29, 2016
 
I visited with my physician tonight. We spoke this evening about my appointment with my therapist yesterday. I told her about my therapist's recommendation that we work with Mollie at an upcoming session with Airmid on medication having been administered to her after she was raped. 
 
I described to my physician the struggle...


Photo

Resisting Trust

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 28 March 2016 · 140 views

Mar. 28, 2016
 
I had an appointment with my therapist this morning. The conversation started with her asking what it's been like since I told her about the Others inside me. I told her I was very shaken after telling her, but that it was also a good experience that has helped me.
 
We also spoke about the difficulties we had this weekend trying...


Photo

Drawing The Well

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 27 March 2016 · 154 views

Mar. 27, 2016
 
I worked up the courage earlier today to post yesterday's entry . I couldn't post it because of feeling ashamed about the need I expressed. One of the parts of me is being pretty hard on me right now about being weak, needy, pitiful. 
 
I want to post one of the drawings made many years ago by one of the other aspects of me....


Photo

Annie and Katherine

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 26 March 2016 · 136 views

Mar. 26, 2016
 
Yesterday I started this entry and couldn't bring myself to post it. There's been a lot of struggle inside me yesterday and today.
 

I am pretty sure now that most of the SA happened to Annie and Katherine. I think coping with it was their job. In some way they worked together or helped one another. I think the physician rape ha...


Photo

Processing Miracles

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 25 March 2016 · 140 views

Mar. 25, 2016
 
It's been a lot to process the last two days. I wasn't able to write everything that happened at my last therapy appointment. And, more has happened since. There were additional things that happened during my trip to Florida I also have not captured. It's like healing is happening on super fast forward.

It's like a fire hydrant open...


Photo

Told my T!

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 23 March 2016 · 217 views

Mar. 23, 2016
 
Yesterday we had treatment with Airmid and our physician. At the end of the session we had a conversation about boundaries, namely the boundary between the hands-on therapy Airmid provides and counseling provided by my psychologist. Also, we discussed the issue of the parts of me communicating with Airmid and others outside of the ses...


Photo

Boundaries in a New Normal?

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 19 March 2016 · 159 views

Mar. 19, 2016

Soon I will be headed for the airport to make the journey home. I have a lot going on inside. It's been extraordinary to be surrounded by acceptance and love. It also calls for me to redefine normal, or possibly shift back to what I have always known.

The latter would be least challenging. It would keep us from continuing to cause messy b...


Photo

Landmark Indeed!

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 18 March 2016 · 200 views

Mar. 18, 2016
 
I have a little time, waiting for my phone to charge before I head out to meet the others. I need to keep this brief, but I want to capture what I know/remember about yesterday.
 
We flew across the country, with two parts of me managing most of the day (Katherine and little Mollie). There was a great stream of text messages to A...


Photo

Landmark Day

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 16 March 2016 · 187 views

Mar. 16, 2016.

We really should be asleep right now. We fly to the conference early and will see Airmid, our other lovely friend, and AF. But the reason I'm posting instead of falling asleep is not only our excitement to see Airmid and to do what we will do at the conference . . . But it's possible one or more of us will get to meet our lovely friend (L...


Photo

Unflinching

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work 15 March 2016 · 176 views

Mar. 15, 2016
 
I have said on multiple occasions that my goal in writing is to be unflinching, so that I can dig down to the roots of problems and truly heal. Not often am I challenged by this goal because I write a good deal about things I've processed before or things I've been talking about in my offline life. So, not much of what I write really...


Photo

Little Ones' Names; Fear of Video; More Integration

Posted by intrepidshe , in Crying, Healing Work 13 March 2016 · 264 views

Mar. 13, 2016
 
I have a few things to write about tonight.
Katherine's fear of being on video.
Little Ones' names
More integration progress
1. Katherine's fear of being on video.
 
A while back Katherine (whom I've referred to as the "sexual one") sent an email to Airmid I haven't been able to read. I tried to read the email with Airmid the d...






About Intrepid She

This is a moderated PUBLIC blog. This blog is a therapeutic tool I am using to help me get over my fear of doctors (which is made difficult by a history of abuse by them) to learn to grieve, and ultimately to integrate my dis-integrated heart.

 

View postings specific to health care.

View postings specific to touch.

View postings specific to crying.

 

The content of this blog is not appropriate for children or for anyone who might be triggered by reading about sexual abuse.

 

To the many others walking your own version of this path, I wish you well on your journey. -Intrepid

 

More Healing:

 

- Framed and Unashamed

- Yarnfoolishness' Journal

- Susanna's Blog

- What's Inside my Head?

- Healing Resources

Search My Blog

Contact Me Outside Pandys

I can be reached by email at a Gmail account based on my userid here in Pandys. I'm sure you can piece it together. I won't enter the address here because of bots that read email addresses from screens. I really don't want spam. But I wanted people outside of Pandys to be able to reach me.

July 2016

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
242526272829 30
31      

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.