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Still running away

Posted by Littlewing , 10 May 2014 · 79 views

In my mind I am still running.
I want them to finally leave me alone. I will do anything to make this happen. I am getting a surname change as soon as I have room in the budget for it. Haha, I only wish I could settle on a surname that makes sense for me!
 
Boyfriend= gone
 
Unhealthy relationship that came with him= gone
 
I am starting to feel again and it does not feel good. But at least the beach does. Going to the beach excites me.
 
Sex does not excite me whatsoever. If I have a friendship within a relationship, then maybe.
 
My sister texted me that she loves me. I love her too. I was super happy getting the text. But also I am afraid, afraid that she would not believe me about our dad.  That is why I run away from them and hope for them to leave me alone permanently. Forever. I sometimes wish I could just shoot myself in the head so I no longer have to worry I wish they would all just go away.
 
All the time I wonder whether I am making up stories. lies.
 
I want to escape from them and the body I live in.
 
 
I want to stop smoking too at the same time and try to get back into being a creative soul.......but first I want to block them from me forever.
 
listened to bashar today..........really incredible. helps me feel hopeful and better, rather than suicidal
 
moved again with an amazing job fourteen bucks an hour so stoked finally some money......just want to make this work good



These steps you are taking to heal are huge ones.  I find what you wrote as positive.

 

Keep on taking good care of you. :)

awesome words thanks you too

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