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Posted by Onno , in analyses 19 December 2013 · 209 views

I had some kind of epiphany I want to share with you. I was abused by my brother and I have been asking myself when 'playing doctor' actually changed into abuse. The reason this question keeps popping up once in a while is that during the abuse, I did cooperate a lot. Sometimes it seems like I wanted to be abused and sometimes I really asked for sex. This has been a major obstacle in my healing process. In search for an answer I always had been looking to how I felt about what had happened. Now I took it from an other, more objective angle: what actually is abuse?
Abuse: Use of an object in a way it is not supposed to be used and which may harm said object.
A (non emotionally laden) example of 'tool abuse': Using a pocket knife to pry. Pocket knife blades are not meant for prying. As a result you can brake it, or bend or chip the blades tip. Abuse does not mean that it necessarily will get damaged. The core of the definition lies in the way the knife is used, compared to how it is meant to.
Apart from all that is wrong with the objectification of persons, the same can be said for sexual abuse. Frankly, it does not really matter whether I would have been cooperating or not. It even does not matter whether I wanted or asked for it (which is also part of the intricate social micro-system that developed over time and facilitated the abuse). A child is not meant to partake in an extensive sexual relationship, because mentally, it is simply not ready for it.
Don't get me wrong, I do believe it is common for children to have some sexual feelings from quite an early age and that it is normal for them to show behaviour accordingly, but all this is to learn and to establish a healthy sexuality and understanding of sex later in life. Since I was in over my head from age 11, without any of the understanding I have now, it was all together different. This simply was abuse.

Exactly. Yes. :metoyou:

Thanks Susanna, I will put it in a vase on my desk :)

one more to add :metoyou:

Thanks! Two is a bouquet, right?

absolutely! but just to fill it out a bit more :daisy:

Dec 19 2013 01:53 PM

Yes yes absolutely yes. 



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