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Anxious Annie



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Unreal

Posted by anelisa , 15 January 2014 · 236 views

Sometimes I don't feel like a person.
Like I don't exist.
I can't imagine that it's me living this life.
I'm just going through the motions and I feel like me, who I am, is just floating around somewhere.
It's like my body and surroundings are living someone's life and my brain is living another.
I'm finding it hard to keep myself together.
Or to even bri...


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Dream 1/14/14

Posted by anelisa , 14 January 2014 · 154 views

Today I've been sick.
I slept almost all day.
 
I wake up. I see a ceiling unfamiliar to me. I'm lying in a bed with poofy white blankets and nice fluffy white pillows. The room is clean and feels fresh. On the other side of the bed is my current boyfriend. Fast asleep. He looks older. I scoot across the bed to snuggle up to him, but there's somethin...


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Violent Fantasies (TW)

Posted by anelisa , in Sexual Assault, Anxiety 08 January 2014 · 256 views

It started out as nightmares.
I would relive past traumas.
Then it began to escalate.
The nightmares would veer from the truth of the incidents and go in a darker path.
Instead of just being grabbed or hit, I would be severely beaten and raped. Sometimes killed.
I'd try to scream, but nothing would come out.
My face was pushed into the dirt.
I couldn't br...


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My Mom

Posted by anelisa , in Family Issues 07 January 2014 · 211 views

My mom had me a couple months after her 17th birthday.
She never really bonded with me.
It was always my aunts, uncle, and grandparents taking care of me.
She even left me with them for a year (when I was 5) while she disappeared.
She took me back, but soon after, left me with an abusive father.
As I got older and into upper elementary and middle school,...


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The Truth

Posted by anelisa , in Sexual Assault 04 January 2014 · 197 views

I've been thinking.
I've been sexually assaulted 3 times.
Why has this last time made me so angry?
Why say something now?
I think I've treated this last time so ferociously because I'm fed up.
I'm just tired of it.
I'm tired of guys thinking that they can touch me.
What right do they have?
Do they not understand that it sticks with me?
That it hurts?
That...


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Anxiety Attack 12/31/13

Posted by anelisa , in Anxiety 31 December 2013 · 161 views

I spent yesterday, the anniversary of the assault, with my friend, Taylor.
We didn't talk about it. We played board games. We laughed. Watched Doctor Who. Watched superhero movies.
It was great catching up. 
We don't see each other much because we're going to schools 3 hours apart.
To get home from her house, I had to drive through town.
Who happens...


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Darkest Secret

Posted by anelisa , in Sexual Assault 29 December 2013 · 279 views

A little over a year ago (before the incident that bothers me most), something happened with a guy I know.
We were at a party. He had been drinking, but he wasn’t drunk. I hadn’t been drinking. I was the one responsible for everyone’s keys.
It was about 4 am and I went to sleep on the couch.
Everyone was passed out drunk.
I woke up with...


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I Don't Remember

Posted by anelisa , 28 December 2013 · 209 views

Last night my boyfriend called me to tell me that he needed to come over and pick up his coat.
So I found it and set it out.
This morning, the coat wasn't where I left it, but my boyfriend didn't come over last night.
I texted my boyfriend to ask him if he just came and got it.
He told me that yes, he did come and get it, and then asked me if I remembered...


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Social Blunderfly

Posted by anelisa , 27 December 2013 · 161 views

            I’ve never been known to be socially literate or smooth. I tend to find myself in embarrassing situations often and have a knack for making it more awkward than need be.
 
            Taking a Spill
 
           L...


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Boring People

Posted by anelisa , 27 December 2013 · 162 views

           Not everyone is outgoing or loud. Not everyone oozes charm and charisma. I understand that not everyone is particularly ‘interesting’ in what they have to say or the lives they lead. But some people I come across are just plain boring. They have no opinions and no strong beliefs. How can a person not ha...






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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.