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the brain

Posted by mcook , 28 February 2014 · 36 views

The human brain is a wonderful thing. 
Neuroplastic, 
it is mouldable, malleable, bendable 
to a point, it has limits too. 
 
 like a muscle, you can train it 
and push it, and push it too hard 
but it has a capacity to repair 
 
The frontal lobe is a wonderful thing 
higher order functions 
pers...


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morning

Posted by mcook , 27 February 2014 · 24 views

In the morning 
everything is still
the sun is still sleepy 
and only the cold cars are awake, 
humming and huffing 
exhausting into the cold air 
I can almost hear coffee makers 
gurgling 
mugs chinking 
 


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school

Posted by mcook , 25 February 2014 · 52 views

 Please send strength and concentration today. There is a lot to do this week at school and I need to find focus. I started dreaming about school and science, which means I'm feeling passionate again about what I chose to do. I think it is related to getting a 91% on my organic chem midterm, which feels good but I know I validate my worth by my schoo...


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Flashbacks I tw

Posted by mcook , 23 February 2014 · 44 views

When my now fiancé asked me to marry him we on a beach. A beach with black sand and in B.C. it was the first time I had seen the ocean. 
I will never forget that day. I said yes and we laid in the sun holding hands. We were camping but I wanted to wear my ring (which felt very extravagant- it still does). 
 
I called my mom and my dad...


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a rant tw language

Posted by mcook , 19 February 2014 · 76 views

Every single person who deals with sexual assault has issues with intimacy she said 
 
no kidding 
 
They are crimes of intimacy. 
Abuse of trust and power and authority. 
They are the most heinous crimes, the greatest wrongs 
abuse of trust 
and power 
and authority 
heinous 
scum 
That is why t...


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bracelet

Posted by mcook , 19 February 2014 · 25 views

My mom gave me an pandoras bracelet for Christmas. 
It came with three charms, a pink ring for my sisters, an entwined ball for my grandma, 
and a shopping bag for my mom 
The bag says Pandora 
This holds far more symbolism for me then she even intended. I am grateful for the double meaning. 
Pandora's bag 
a container for th...


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Therapy

Posted by mcook , 18 February 2014 · 56 views

Thank you for all the support, I am carrying it with me now.
Therapy went well this morning, I'm hiding out in the library aa par usual post-T.
I'm walking away with this:

It's okay to have things on the backburner
Aka intimacy
Because what I've got now can be better yes, but it is still functioning. I am not suffering in silence

Secondly I need t...


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Testing

Posted by mcook , 17 February 2014 · 34 views

350 + multiple choice assessment questions 
testing from 8:30 - 17:30 with one lunch break 
my brain is toast, it feels like jello. 
I feel like my results are going to be: 
You're just not smart enough to do what you want to do. 
 
sigh 
 
 


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tomorrow

Posted by mcook , 16 February 2014 · 43 views

I'm feeling shut-off to the community, and I feel bad about it. 
So many people here are so selfless with their support and I feel like it's "me me me" in my realm. I want to reply, to stories and others and offer support but I feel shut down. Delete the responses that I type. I'm glad there are so many who can speak when I cannot. 
 
Tomor...


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Inkshed

Posted by mcook , 15 February 2014 · 25 views

What i found in the desert. I found rocks, big huge red rocks. They burned in the sun hot like bricks. And among their crevices I found a cactus. It shocked me. I didn't know Cactus could grow here in Canada - it snows heres. But there is was, a beautiful yellow flower atop and cactus. 
And I hiked and hiked and climbed the rocks. My dog came with me...






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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.