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genderqueer'd

Posted by vakry , 05 December 2013 · 114 views

genderqueer'd Posted Image  queer'd up yo Posted Image  Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
 
 
 
I got some things to sort out....
 
This is how it is. Basically... and slightly triggering.START Nothing graphic. I was made to be a girl by my abuser. I had to play the role to perfection. I was his doll. Another (my age) shared the abuse and would insist I be a boy. So it would go back and forth between girl and guy END
So, having said that....
 
 
It's caused some confusion for me.
 
I don't like the chair one. I dunno why I find it triggering.
 
 
Anyway..... Might be triggering for profanity.
 
 
There's this friend... fuck you're going to think I have a lot of "friends" if I keep referring to people like that.....
 
Anyway... Right my "friend" ... we'll call him Yeti.

 
Yeti keeps showing me facebook profiles of mtf transsexuals. I don't know about you.... or anyone else. But I'd think that maybe that would bother these gals wouldn't you? I know it would bug me if someone was going around showing my profile... "hey look at this" like I'm some sideshow or something.

 
 
He's doing it in an attempt to be "supportive." -eye roll- he has it in his head I'm a transsexual and will not relent about how it would be okay for me to transition and that he'd accept me if I did. So... he doesn't accept me how I am now? Yes, I asked him that. He tried to back pedal. He told me I look really hot as a chick. Oh yeah, that's going to make me feel better about myself. He doesn't know my past.. so it's not like he understands just how irritating and triggering this is for me.http://www.pandys.or...lt/hissyfit.gif
 
Seriously. I put on nail polish and it triggered me! It didn't do that before. I'm in a weird experimental phase I guess....
 
You know what I realized recently. It wasn't the fact he thinks I'm a transsexual that bothers me... its the fact no matter what.... I really couldn't fully go there. I could when in a good strong place dress up completely like a girl and pass and have no problems, but it will get to me. I will be triggery and weak and pathetic and it HAS TO COME OFF!!!
I cannot fully be a girl ever. I couldn't live like one. And things like the women's restroom.... don't like. I'll never like it. I'll never be comfortable there. It's just not me. But it could be dangerous in the men's room.... a girly boy in the men's room.... if that does say beat me up or rape me I don't know what does. Most people take it for granted just how little there are unisex or family restrooms or single person restrooms. Now the single person restroom if I'm decked out as a chick I'll use it without issues. The worse I ever find is once....it was in a store there were community tampons in there. lol. So, cool there, but with a restroom where gals will be walking in and out and stalls .. I just will never be comfortable. It just weird to me. I have female friends that will be totally cool with me having a powwow or whatever it is girls do together when they go together in the restroom. lol. Of course things will start to get awkward if I start powdering my nose in the men's room. I just don't know where I could get to a place where I'd actually be comfortable. And it's stupid too. I have no problem having guys think I just came out of the men's room for a quickie with a bf or something if I'm dressed more like a girl... but I have an issue going into the ladies room. I'll never ever understand myself so.. it's okay if ya'll are confused. I'm right there with ya and this is my fucking life.
 

 



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