I am not new to healing but new here and new-ish to taking responsibility for my healing rather than giving that to my T. Or at least trying to make her take it. So in this way I am empowering myself. Trusting myself to know the way .. but I will accept guidance from spirit and strive to recognize sages along this route. Trusting myself is not a given. A kind of tightrope walk to keep the trust, to feel deserving of trust, to be trust worthy. I have had many starts on this journey of healing and I acknowledge a positive change - which is huge in itself. But I also know that feeling of disconnection, alien-ness. I read today of a young woman being from pluto .. and sadly I relate. My holy grail is connection, connectedness. It is quite elusive for me; I feel it momentarily and lose it over and over again. A scared child running away, seized by terror. When I am not in that space it is hard to claim with much conviction. Yet when I am in that space I feel I have never felt differently. It is a recent phenomena to be able to know both can be true for me.
Twenty years on a quest. It seems unbelievable. Early on I met a woman 25 years in therapy and I dare say
I judged her insincerely engaged. I mean, really, who on earth could not complete a task - any task I thought - in that amount of time? And here I am poised to do just that. Unfathomable. Inconceivable. CRAP! how on earth could this be true for me (who has worked so hard for so long, sigh)? So now I venture to look in earnest at where in the world it is that I feel I NEED to go. I will attempt this feat but this time I hope to do so in the ever elusive "community". You are here, so I hear. So I believe … And as I put my hand in yours, we can do things we could never have imagined alone.. an echo from long ago days in ACA, I believe(though a quick google search did not pull anything similar)
Hello. Hello. Is there anybody out there?