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Learning not to Remember



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Miserable

Posted by SilverandBlue , 04 March 2015 · 183 views

Such a miserable session with T today. She pushed to talk about last week and while I felt like I needed to, I just couldn't. I fell into a sulky silence and just hid behind a pillow and went mute. The room started spinning and that TERRIFIED me. I felt like I was going to pass out and she just kept talking like she had no idea what was going on. (Which,...


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Scary, terrifying but progress nonetheless

Posted by SilverandBlue , 26 February 2015 · 215 views

Just to be careful, trigger warning for those who might be set off easily just by talk of s**. Nothing graphic, just lots of feelings and emotions and stuff.
I managed to do it today. To talk to T about the thing that's been bothering me for months. This was brought on because dearest D (my boyfriend) asked if I wanted to go on a short day trip to the be...


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Very "floaty" session

Posted by SilverandBlue , 18 February 2015 · 158 views

A couple guys walked into the waiting room while I was in there, so I put my headphones in because I didn't want to offend them by leaving all awkward-like. When T came to get me, she had to put her hand right in my face because I was hiding. When she asked what it was all about and I explained, she said she would like to see me take control of that and l...


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The good, the bad and the ugly

Posted by SilverandBlue , 16 February 2015 · 164 views

When I compare old T to current T, the issues I had with old T are glaringly obvious. Was she an absolutely rotten therapist? No. She taught me to calm myself down without help from someone, and taught me some self control. She was what I needed as a first T. Kind, warm and welcoming. If I had seen my current T first I probably would have been scared off...


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T's vacation

Posted by SilverandBlue , 09 February 2015 · 210 views

She let me know last week that she would be gone for a couple weeks in March. I'm glad she did, as now I know that would be a bad time to dive into everything but now I'm realizing it'll end up being almost a month break!! 😭
She scheduled me for the Sunday before she leaves (she doesn't work Sunday's unless she's going on vacation or during the h...


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Revelation in T today

Posted by SilverandBlue , 05 February 2015 · 167 views

She thinks I was psychologically damaged quite a lot. That might not even be the word she used but she meant something like constant constant criticism or "teasing" happening so frequently that ot actually messes with a person's head.
How true. I remembered today that my older sister was absolutely viscious to me. I still feel like she hates my guts, can'...


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Thank goodness for T tomorrow

Posted by SilverandBlue , 03 February 2015 · 126 views

It's been a rough day. Blood sugars have been crazy, first high, then bottomed out at 40 😑. Then I overcorrected and it went high. Then low again and is going up now!! I just can't win with this stupid disease.
I'm listening to lullabies now and it helps the massive headache and dissociation brought on by it. Also texting my boyfriend as he can't...


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A good ending to a rough couple days

Posted by SilverandBlue , 31 January 2015 · 171 views

My boss is having some birthday parties, (yes, plural and they're all for her) and having a party always stresses her out big time. The stress spreads to the whole household, including me and everyone is grumpy before the event starts.
I had the evening off and went to an event with my boyfriend. It was a fantastic talk (by a person I have been dying to...


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DID and retrospect

Posted by SilverandBlue , 27 January 2015 · 156 views

One thing I am excellent at is removing myself from my own life and looking at it from an outsider's perspective.
That's what I did today after seeing that T has used the diagnosis code for DDNOS in billing insurance. As I think I've said before, she hasn't ruled out a dissociative disorder of some sort. I think I agree with her, weeks later.
I feel lik...


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Co-consciousness and dissociation

Posted by SilverandBlue , 18 January 2015 · 153 views

I had T again today. I went in already shaky, a little panicked and fearful. The door was locked so I had to wait for her to come down and open it, which I don't like to do because I get scared of the people on the street.
Anyway, I explained how the day had gone, my boyfriend's reaction (perfect reaction btw) and whatnot. She asked me something, I'm hav...






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