Jump to content


Roller coaster weekend

Posted by SilverandBlue , 07 August 2014 · 173 views

Whew. Quite a weekend/beginning of week!
I asked my mom again how my aunt commited sui, and she told me this time. She asphyxiated herself on helium. I did not expect to burst into tears, I thought I would take it better than that but I couldn't help it. My mom was taken aback by my reaction. Per her standards she waited until I had calmed down to talk to me. We had a nice, honest chat about it and that was that. She always just assumes that it's done when it's done. Which honestly she should. But with me it's never done. I rarely am just "done" after one episode. I have a series of episodes and venting, crying and throwing things before I am done. Talking helps relieve the questions, but nothing else.
So I texted T. I needed to hear/read an unemotional, detached reaction. Not that T is heartless, far from it! But she knows how to distance herself and that was what I needed and got thank goodness. I actually texted T a lot this weekend. Altogether too much.
Things were better on Saturday night and Sunday. My small charge performed beautifully and worked so hard! ( I work with a 4 y/o with serious developmental delays) and Sunday I went to a theme park with friends, rode the roller coasters and has junky food 😄
Then Sunday night I exploded my tire on the way home from work 😣
-TMI for males, maybe for females-
I get very easily triggered by my monthly cycle, and happen to be smack in the middle of it, and so burst into tears again today after I got home from work. I was sent reeling back to 2nd grade, and was curled in a ball on the couch when mom found me there. She was almost exasperated, like why would I be crying AGAIN? But she is my mom, and isn't going to forbid me from crying, just gets annoyed when I don't answer her inquiries as to the reason for my distress. I was sobbing over the pain I felt way back then, the shame, and the fear. I couldn't talk. I wanted to tell her but no words would come. She go it out that it was from that incident but didn't understand what would cause the pain now. I think she thinks I should move on, but understands that she has no idea how to handle it as she's never been in my place. She's doing her best I know, but I wish she could understand that I was small, and what happened was traumatizing.

No wonder you. That would upset anyone. It's not fair to expect you to just be over something like this, it takes a lot of time and energy. Not that you ever really get over it, but to expect you to forget all about it is ridiculous.

July 2016


Recent Entries

Recent Comments


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.