How it works
I don't hear music. I feel, absorb, analyze and see music. I make a video in my head for that song, find the pattern in the music and said music always affects my mood. I ABSORB what I am listening to. My attitude changes with every song.
I see everything around me, and cars I recognize, such as the same type car my mom, dad, sibling or someone else I see often get checked against the filing cabinet in my head for a match, and if enough evidence is there that it might be my moms car, I look closer. If that dent isn't there, or the stickers aren't the right ones it goes past with little notice.
I can't even fully explain how I work. I don't think anyone can, really. The human mind is so complex and unique to each person.
So I have a quandary. I have this movie in my head. Some color, not much. Some sound. The images are crystal clear. Disturbing images. I know they all happened, I know it is all true. I am SICK of this being glued to the side of my head! I want to be able to discuss it with someone, to pick it apart with someone else's input. I pick it apart by myself but that doesn't help a whole lot.
But I can't get it out! I tried drawing, writing, and nothing quite does it. T has read some of it, but we have never discussed it. I have never used any of the words. I try but completely shut off when I start. I'm not trying to! My mind just goes into hibernation whenever I try! It happened yesterday at T. I was SO mad at myself. I acted like such a brat, pouting because T didn't understand something I hadn't even told her. It was irrational and I know it.
-sigh- I still have so long to go