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How it works

Posted by SilverandBlue , 08 June 2014 · 174 views

I don't think I've ever been able to explain my brain patterns to anyone. I know how I work, but when it comes to explaining a thought or how I came to a conclusion, action or pattern I can't explain it even though the answer is right there in my head! It just won't go from my language to English.
I don't hear music. I feel, absorb, analyze and see music. I make a video in my head for that song, find the pattern in the music and said music always affects my mood. I ABSORB what I am listening to. My attitude changes with every song.
I see everything around me, and cars I recognize, such as the same type car my mom, dad, sibling or someone else I see often get checked against the filing cabinet in my head for a match, and if enough evidence is there that it might be my moms car, I look closer. If that dent isn't there, or the stickers aren't the right ones it goes past with little notice.
I can't even fully explain how I work. I don't think anyone can, really. The human mind is so complex and unique to each person.
So I have a quandary. I have this movie in my head. Some color, not much. Some sound. The images are crystal clear. Disturbing images. I know they all happened, I know it is all true. I am SICK of this being glued to the side of my head! I want to be able to discuss it with someone, to pick it apart with someone else's input. I pick it apart by myself but that doesn't help a whole lot.
But I can't get it out! I tried drawing, writing, and nothing quite does it. T has read some of it, but we have never discussed it. I have never used any of the words. I try but completely shut off when I start. I'm not trying to! My mind just goes into hibernation whenever I try! It happened yesterday at T. I was SO mad at myself. I acted like such a brat, pouting because T didn't understand something I hadn't even told her. It was irrational and I know it.
-sigh- I still have so long to go

If the images are crystal clear, that's a really good foundation and removes both some of the mystery and some of the urgency.


The communication of them will come. Maybe ask your T to read aloud what you've written - although of course that will be scary.


The problem is , saying, writing, or drawing - or hearing or reading or looking at a picture of - will make those images more real.


And that is the scary part. Be safe. We all have a long way to go.

Sometimes, experiences transcend language. It can take time to learn to communicate complexities, and even then, the natural gulf that always exists between human beings will continue to act as a barrier. Sometimes, repetition (to some extent) and interaction with another can help with this. Other times, drawings, dance, and art may help. Best thing to do is experiment, figure out what works best. You'll get this sorted out eventually.

Jun 12 2014 12:44 AM
I will try having it read aloud macgyver, that's a good idea. Scary, but no pain, no gain I guess.
Chocoholic: sometimes some form of art works, but I can't draw or paint to save my life, don't dance, and am very private about singing (as in, only in my car)
Funny thing though, sign language works pretty well. I express myself with my hands without even thinking about it. I have drawn it all out with my hands in the air using my own mishmash of sign languages and to me it makes sense, but T just got frustrated because she couldn't understand a thing! 😄

July 2016

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