I can see only a wall of black, but I know something, someone is behind it. What they are doing I also think I know but am not quite ready to confront that just yet. It's too disgusting, horrible and revolting for me to think about. I can feel it, and hear it but not see anything, it's almost as though my eyes are covered but I don't think they are. It's at this point that I get the pain in my stomach usually. It's not so much pain though as just a sensation in my stomach that I don't like. It's almost like getting shocked, and the shock travels down from my mid/upper back all the way past my knees. I feel it mostly in my stomach, but it really travels down to my knees. It's just the oddest thing, and when I try to talk to T about it, she assumes that it's stress related stomach pain. Which would make sense but that's not what this is. I told her that and I'm not sure she believed me.
But anyway, I can't seem to make my way past this barrier. I'm stuck here and the only way out is to talk about it but I can't talk about it! I shut down when I try!
Ugh. At least I have an appointment this week