Aaahh, good T appointment today
Number 1, she hadn't seen me. That is good, and I am relieved. She wasn't even weirded out by it. She said that it's bound to happen because we live in a smaller town. Next time, it is totally okay to either say hi, run away or completely ignore her. She said she will think nothing of it if I can't handle it and run away. Relief! I was terrified that either she would be overly concerned about it, and want to refer me elsewhere or something, or get annoyed that I would want to run and hide.
Seriously, I love sessions like today's. I have been having horrible nightmares and images running through my head all week and I had written her an email about it so I wouldn't have to tell her about it face to face. Turns out their router or something was down so she didn't get it. But she got her phone out and looked for it right then and there, and read it while I buried my face in my stuffed dog and hid.
That's another thing, she was very bouncy today. I made gorgeous cupcakes this morning, and brought her one because I like to do things like that. She got so excited and almost started squealing with delight! Apparently the flower I made on the top just made her happy? Anyway, also when I brought my stuffed dog out she also thought that was just the greatest thing. To quote: "it looks just like a little Labrador puppy!" I think she would have taken it from me if I wasn't her patient....
So I had my dog, and that made a difference today. I felt safer, I could hide behind it, and the texture of the fur is so soft and fluffy, I could also keep my hands occupied.
She said something today that I really liked. She told me that I was not disgusting. What happened was disgusting, but it's like getting muddy and dirty. Yes, the mud is gross but only the mud and dirt is gross, it doesn't make the person gross and disgusting. That, I think is the only time I have felt not disgusting, or at least less disgusting. It makes sense when it's put that way. What happened was disgusting yes, (actually hearing her agree with me on that kind of pissed me off for a second, I don't know why) but it doesn't make ME disgusting.
I was curled up on the couch clutching my dog, and she was sitting next to me like usual, and it just seemed like she was in an unusually good mood or something, because I left happy and bouncy.
Yeesh, sometimes I love my therapist and today is one of those days😊