Faith and religion *TW*
I just read a thread about sin, and it just got me into this mindset. How difficult it is for people who have been sexually abused, raped, or otherwise violated or hurt to figure out the faith and religion thing.
And I can completely understand it. I've asked myself many, many times: If god knows and sees all, how could he let this happen? and if he lets things happen for a reason, and he let this happen, what the heck??
I have no answer. I have NO idea why god let this happen. But it did, and moaning about it isn't going to make it go away or change it.
I was raised in a conservative christian home. I have been blessed with a large family and large circle of friends, all of whom look out for me and care about me. I am SO very lucky to have been given this life.
I know the general view of christianity, and honestly, I do not agree with many modern christians. I do not agree with the methodology of preaching on street corners holding jesus signs. I do not agree with trying to make the services "fun". In my mind, if you have to tell people they will have so much fun if they come to your church, what are you trying to bribe them for? Why shouldn't they come because the service will be uplifting, refreshing, and healing? Why shouldn't they come for the christian fellowship? Why do they need to come for the loud christian rock, the dances, parties and such?
I believe that god calls to people, and they either answer or do not. I'm not being weird saying people hear a voice or something. But everybody, at some point feels just a little push, and they either push back, or go with it. God hears all prayers, and answers how he sees fit. A prayer doesn't have to be out loud, it could be a fleeting thought or a question.
I am not a whackjob either. I am not insane, deluded or brainwashed. I am not afraid of going to hell if I don't follow a ist of rules. I don't HAVE a list of rules. I have a tender consience, that niggles at me when I start in on things I believe to be sin.
I asked my mom once: It doesn't matter whether I was at fault or not! I can still have it forgiven can't I?! She said that yes, indeed just like any other sin, whatever I feel I did to deserve what happened can be forgiven and I can be at peace with it.
She forgave me right then,and I still have to ask every day to hear it again, because I just can't believe my luck that I don't even need to worry, even if I did something bad and wrong, it is forgiven!
This brings me unmeasurable peace and contentment whenever I dwell on it, and has especially helped in the last week or so.