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Connecting emotion, thought and dreams

Posted by SilverandBlue , 30 March 2014 · 60 views

I had a very odd exprience this week. I have to explain it in two parts:
 
I had a very irritating dream maybe 4 nights ago. I was in T's office, it was mostly all the same. I was on the end of the couch, looking at the place I usually sit, on the other end of the couch. There was a little girl on the floor where my feet normally would be, facing away from me. She was just sobbing. Shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. T was in her chair on the other side of the table and just sitting, watching and taking notes. I was PISSED. She wasn't doing anything to help the little girl! So I went over and pulled her onto my lap, held her and cuddled her and stopped her crying. And that was all. I woke up pissed at T, until I realized it was just a dream.
 
Then, I went to T yesterday, and when I came back fully on the floor, I was in the EXACT SAME SPOT AND POSITION. Same as my dream. It was so freaky. I didn't connect the dots till a few hours later, but yes. I was in th exact same spot! And iwas curled up as though I had been holding someone too. It was just the freakiest thing.
 
I'm not sure if my subconcious was acting out my dream, or what.
Also, she made a very helpful statement. "You can leave all of this here. When you walk out my door, go up the steps to the front door and leave, you can leave it all here. I will put it up on a shelf and take it down when you come back next week." Basically so I can go about my daily life safely. Sometimes, I seriously love her. I was all crying and hiding. And turned away from her and she still didn't leave and go back to her chair. Just sat behind me ( she couldn't sit anywhere else, really. I was between the table and couch) and had her arms around me that way.
 
So needless to say, I've been analyzing everything lately. The timing of music, the sounds of appliances at home, people's words and actions. My own thoughts and actions. My brain just isn't giving me a break. I have been spending long periods of time in a "zone" just sitting staring off into space. Sitting in bed cuddling a stuffed animal. I wish I could bring one to T next week. That would be so comfy!
 



About your dream. To me it sounds like you recognise you need to comfort the little girl inside who was hurt. And you aren't pissed at your T, but maybe at yourself- because you can't yet comfort her? I don't know. Apologies if I am totally wrong. Dreams are powerful things. Sometimes I think there is nothing to them, and then ones like you described I feel are highly symbolic. Take gentle care. Mand.
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SilverandBlue
Mar 30 2014 02:23 AM

Oh no need to apologize. I was thinking along the same lines. I know I am angry at myself for even letting it happen. So I do my best. It's like there's multiple layers of thought and conciousness in my brain. One layer i very childish, quit bratty. Another is also childish but just sad and crying. Yet another is overly analytical and overthinks everything. And another is very nurturing and mature. Straightforward and honest.

These are not legit all different parts of me. I am positive I am not dissocative because I don't really lose time, I am still present even when my brain is operating as the bratty child, crying child or adult-like. I am still all there.

I wish I could find some way to comfort her. I try, but not much works.

Have you thought about trying to write her a letter? Or giving her a treat- like eating something you really enjoyed as a child? I did that yesterday- found myself eating a milky bar. I hate sweets as an adult, but she loved milky bars, so I had one for her. And she really enjoyed it. I am looking at her in my mind now, and she is happy, smiling, playing in the garden. Nice :-)
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SilverandBlue
Mar 30 2014 02:54 AM

I am in a near constant state of childishness lately actually. So you could say that I am indulging her every whim. When I think about it now, actually I have always been very childlike. Especially when I get scared. I hug whatever is nearest and shake.

Ah well. I'm gonna go to bed and try to sleep. If I'm lucky I might get 5 hours!

I'm glad she's happy :) keep it that way!

September 2014

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