Confusion, regret, shame and anger
-Pain, because I'm working through a leg length discrepancy, and adjusting to being level is surprisingly painful-
I see anyone who even remotely resembles him, or a male that has the same attitude, and I panic. I get short of breath and hide. I don't want to hide anymore. I'm so tired of hiding. And yet, When I saw my T at the store yesterday, I panicked and hid. (My friend with me was all for going and saying hi, but I was not about to do that!!)
I see pictures of myself in 2nd grade, and I feel nothing. That girl isn't me. It is, but it isn't. I don't get it. It's all so confusing, I know that is me, it was ME that was hurt. But it wasn't. It can't have been, I'm not that stupid.
I dwell on my thoughts too long and I start to cry. I regret letting it out. I should have kept it buried instead of feeling this way. Shame. I am disgusting and dirty to allow that to have happened.
This thought won't leave my head: "she was hurt, he hurt her and I let it happen"
Why is this happening now??? Aaarghh!