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Learning not to Remember



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Expected reaction to email

Posted by SilverandBlue , 08 January 2015 · 59 views

I caved and emailed T yesterday. I was just in such a state of agitation and stress, even though I had written everything out it hadn't helped.
It was a lengthy email and I won't put it here but basically, it reiterated what I put in the last blog entry. Explained my crazy.
She responded within a few hours and it was as I expected:
Hi D,
What you have...


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Just a jumble

Posted by SilverandBlue , 03 January 2015 · 51 views

I need to stop thinking so much. Actually, I think I self medicate on accident by not really trying to do much about my blood sugar. When my sugar is high, I'm in such a state I can't think. It's nice and peaceful because I HATE it when I start thinking. I go completely off on a tangent and it takes forever to get back to the problem at hand.
I had an ap...


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Holidays

Posted by SilverandBlue , 26 December 2014 · 76 views

I am a very fortunate person. I tell myself that everyday in the hopes that it will always stick with me.
I got a book by my favorite non-fiction writer (Temple Grandin) and tickets to hear her speak when she comes to my town! This is HUGE for me. I work with children with autism, and autism spectrum disorders are a passion of mine. When my boyfriend hea...


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T 12/17. Ended badly

Posted by SilverandBlue , 17 December 2014 · 83 views

I did have a good start to the day. I brought my nieces to the store, to take them off their mom's hands and got lots of comments on my "adorable children" 😄 so I was in a good mood when I walked in today.
According to T, I was on an oxytocin "high" from being with the girls. Which is true I guess. I get the same way when I'm cuddling a baby.
At...


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Post T, 12/3

Posted by SilverandBlue , 04 December 2014 · 79 views

I asked about her choice of diagnosis coding, mostly I was concerned about the social anxiety and DDNOS coding.
Social anxiety, we both now agree is a factor. A lot of the time, I have to take someone with me to the store, I just can't go alone because I'm afraid of running into scary people. Apparently that's what she was talking about.
As for the DDNOS...


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Fighting the therapy fight

Posted by SilverandBlue , 30 November 2014 · 77 views

I got my receipt for the month's appts, and she used 3 different diagnosis codes. For generalized anxiety, social anxiety disorder and dissociative disorder NOS.
okay, the generalized anxiety yes. I have huge anxiety over nothing, and it can destroy a day. Heck, I'm getting anxious already about my next appt with T. Social anxiety disorder though? Maybe...


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Holidays, visiting, and moving forward

Posted by SilverandBlue , 24 November 2014 · 53 views

D (my boyfriend) came over for lunch today. He's been over before, but not since we started dating. My ENTIRE family was over, plus extras so there was a good 40-50 people there. He already knows some of my family well, and now has met them all except my oldest brother who lives out of state.
Anyway, he fits in so perfectly with the family, it was so cute...


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Weekly dose of blunt force trauma to the psyche

Posted by SilverandBlue , 21 November 2014 · 215 views

Okay that's a little dramatic. Her (T's) approach is so direct though, that it feels that way sometimes. Like she's taking a psychological bat to my head. I always journal afterwards to help me sort through the whole mess, and yesterdays appt was no different.
 
I was already on edge because I walked into the waiting room and there was a random guy i...


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Post T

Posted by SilverandBlue , 12 November 2014 · 170 views

An incredibly, Incredibly difficult session yet again. I always find writing it out helps so here I go:
I was so dissociated. So badly and she noticed. I hardly remember what exactly happened.
We discussed goals for therapy, she wants to clarify what I need from her and such. We compiled a list: to not be crazy, which has now been broken down even further...


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So incredibly happy!

Posted by SilverandBlue , 11 November 2014 · 132 views

After what seems like ages of excruciating agony of indecision, it's finally official with one of my best friends in the whole world. Turns out he had been feeling almost the exact same way for quite a while too, just didn't know how or when to bring it up.
This makes me so, so happy! He is the sweetest guy I know, has never hurt me, and likes me just as...






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