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Posted by belovedmercy , 12 November 2013 · 209 views

so I'm starting this blog because I have no where else to write my thoughts and feelings. I used to use Xanga but that seems to be having crazy problems right now so I can't use that anymore.
right now I am overwhelmed with the past trauma I am only now beginning to understand. The poor little girl that was once me was subjected to all sorts of abuse basically from birth. Between the violence of my father towards my mother (and maybe me) to the violence by my brother and other men in the neighborhood....my mind just shut down, afraid to face all that crap! and then to have my preteen and teen years shadowed by constant sexual and verbal abuse. what was going on? how did I ever survive the world? I feel like I'm completely falling apart as I learn to accept these facts and am thankful on some part for the way my mind somehow protected me as a young child. but now I can't help but wonder if what I remember is true. I mean I spent so many years not remembering these horrible acts done to me. And of course I don't have communication with my family and it's not like they would be honest about the horrible things they did to me. They won't even admit someone else hurting me, let alone themselves. I'm so tired of being a victim of these broken, hate filled people.
I'm just really lost in everything. I'm thankful for this website and online community. My life is very empty right now. And at least here I can write my real emotions and thoughts with no judgment and no one in my life has to know. This is the only place where someone else might actually understand what I'm going through. No one in my life understands...they've all lived such perfect lives with families that did not abuse them in all crazy ways. UGH! this all just sucks so completely. sigh.....


I hear you.

Sorry for all the pain you have experienced. Glad you've found Pandys and hope you find the space here for whatever you need.

I'm sorry for all you have endured. I'm glad you're here. I haven't been here long but I think we will find great support.

I am so sorry your family didn't support you and instead hurt you. That is just awful. We are all here for you.

December 2014

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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.