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TrueBlue's Blog



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Well.....*Triggering*

Posted by TrueBlue , 02 January 2014 · 89 views

I disappeared for a while....a long while.  I had to.  What with Christmas and family and stuff like that.  I could't taint my children's, no, my families holiday by being all weirded out and such.  So...I did my thing and locked myself down.  I shut down my thoughts.  Locked away my feelings.  Pushed down my fears, doub...


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US

Posted by TrueBlue , 12 December 2013 · 110 views

"Shhh" she whispered as we snuck through the silent house.  I tried not to giggle, I bit the inside of my mouth and a hint of iron tingled my tongue.  I knew better than to giggle.  I knew better than to wake them.  I kept her bent over back in sight...It was exhilirating and frightening all at once.  The chance of being caught, t...


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Holidays and Regrets

Posted by TrueBlue , 07 December 2013 · 126 views

I love winter.  I love winter here, in Sweden.  I love the wind, the dark, the snow, the ice, the candle lit windows as you walk along the streets.  I love seeing people going about their business in their warm, lit, homes.  I love the way the wind bites at my cheeks, the sound of the crunching snow, the glistening of the ice in the mo...


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Feeling Crazy

Posted by TrueBlue , 27 November 2013 · 121 views

We have been like germ factory here and it is setting my OCD in to over drive.  We can't seem to shake the colds, coughs, sore throats and temperatures.  Now my youngest has an ear infection coming in.  I don't like being sick.  Of course no one does.  I don't like how it makes me feel and I especially don't like how it can cause...


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Run Away

Posted by TrueBlue , 20 November 2013 · 114 views

So, for what ever reason, I hid myself away for a bit.  I ran from myself and disappeared in to movies.  Trying to forget my thoughts, fears, worries, stresses,  and reality in story lines about space and rats.  I tried to hide among the stars and in restaurants in France. 
 
I don't feel like I gave up.  I just paused....


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Enemy Mine

Posted by TrueBlue , 16 November 2013 · 133 views

I woke up today feeling...ok.  Not jumping over the moon but not draggin in the dust either.  Just ok.  The switch, which is me, wasn't flipped on all the way so things hadn't registered yet.
 
The day crawled by, the wind picked up, and the switch was turned on.
 
I found my mind reeling and swirling and twisting with things that...


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Friday

Posted by TrueBlue , 15 November 2013 · 142 views

I accomplished something today....I went outside and didn't have to fight my agoraphobia and the training that I have been doing has caused some noticable changes in my health.  My stamina is so much better, my strength has improved as has my flexibility.  The best thing though, I was able to speed up my pace and maintain that pace.  I'm ti...


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Socially Inept

Posted by TrueBlue , 14 November 2013 · 146 views

I want friends.  People to hang with, gab with, laugh with.  You know to do all those things that friends are suppose to do.  I can get so lonely at times because I miss companionship.  Sometimes, I cry over it.  In the dark, alone, I'll cry for something I never really had - companionship.
 
I watch shows like "How I met you...


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Today...Again *Triggering*

Posted by TrueBlue , 13 November 2013 · 88 views

It is always "today".  But I am not smart enough to come up with a title on my own.  I went to sleep at 10 p.m. which is a surprise, since normally, it takes me forever to go to sleep.
 
I woke up feeling a bit more energetic, but fatigue is a constant companion, today though, my "buddy" was kind to me.  I have a huge pot of soup on th...


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Today *Possible Triggering*

Posted by TrueBlue , 12 November 2013 · 72 views

I don't have much of a desire to do anything really.  I'm just kind of dragging.  It is all gray and wet outside.  I don't mind the dark months normaly, but this year....I just feel a bit low.
 
I haven't talked to her since August.  Yup, I'm keeping tack of it.  I have even counted when my oldest talked to her last...I belie...






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