I am 43. I am a survivor of long term abuse - both physically and mentally and emotionally. I was finally able to put an end to the cruelty caused by my "mother" in August of this year....but it is a daily battle for me not to call her and fall back in to old routines.
I have never been able to hide from the truths because they were always glaringly there, right in front of my face. But I denied the fact that I was basically a orphan - since my so called "parents" were such as they were.
I never told anyone really about the abuse, because no one ever believed me and I figure it was as it was. I think also I didn't want to be soo totally alone, even though I was alone....I have always been alone.
I am wrestling with healing. I am trying to figure out when is one healed? Is it possible to be healed? I posted in the forum and were given a couple of responses that have set my mind reeling. I think I need to define what healing is to me and what is being realistic. I need to face the mirror so to speak and just....just go. Just walk.
I really don't think that I'll be 100% normal, because who ever I was meant to be, whatever I was meant to be while in utero....was destroyed and crushed. That little girl, that teenager, that woman, never was given the opportunity to face the light of day. I must put her to rest and accept that she never existed. I'll mourn her. I'll mourn what could have been, what should have been...I'll mourn that. Now, I must take what I have and be whoever I can be with the information I have.
I'm 43. I feel like time is running out. I'm 43. 43. I'm 43 and a survivor of incest. A survivor of the cruelest,evilest woman alive. I'm 43 and have the rest of my life to create the person that I want to be.