I pray to God, but sometimes I feel as if He doesn't hear me. I don't know what He wants from me. All I want is to be healed. Is that so much to ask?
Part of the problem is that aside from online, I have not told anyone what happened to me, so I have no one in my life to talk to. I am afraid to tell anyone, but by not doing so, I have isolated myself and feel so alone. It sucks. The only one who knew was a counselor I was going to who died from liver cancer last year. But she only knew about my brother. I didn't get a chance to tell her any of the rest of it. I need to go back to therapy, but she was a pastoral counselor who offered free christian counseling and there are just no other ones around who don't charge a fee, and I am broke.
Most of the time I feel like I'm just too broken and that I will never be able to be put back together again. Except for my job as a PCA, I hate my life. I live with my mother who just drinks all the time, and I am still angry with her, because I feel like she did not protect me from my brother. Right now I just hate the whole world.