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I don't want this to control any aspect of my life. I need advice.

Posted by stronger98 , 13 February 2014 · 171 views

The Pain Is Unbearable
The Fear Is Overwhelming
My Anxiety Is Up...
Confidence Abrubts

The Memorys Are Vivid
The Flashbacks Are Awful
My Body Shakes...No Breath Can Escape...
Security Breaks

TW!

Tampons. Using One Is Something I Have Tried To Do Ever Since I Got My First Period.
I Always End Up Shakeing On The Floor, Out Of Breath, Almost In Tears The Four Times I Have Attempted To Insert one. The Memorys Just Keep Flooding Through My Head...Over And Over Again...And I Can't Get Them Out.

I See The Blonde Haired Man With That Gray Shirt, Those Blue Jeans, And Them Stinky White Sneakers.....Jabbing His Three Fingers Inside Of Me...Over...And Over..And Over Again...Blood Spurts Out...Blood Is On His Fingers ...I Remember Everything About Him But The Face....

He Was Caucasian.

There Was An Investigation When I Was three....The Justice System...Oh Did They Fail Miserably.

The Very Clear Memory Of A Classmate Sticking Her Middle Finger Up In me.....I Screamed And I Screamed...But No One Came To Rescue Me....The Other Classmate That Was There...She Just Laughed And laughed. I was Nine Years Old And Finishing Third Grade. How Could No One In The School Hear Me?

I Forgive Them...Wounds Heal But Scars Still Remain The Same.

Has Anyone Else Been/Is In This Situation?

Has Anyone Who Had Been Could You Please Give Me Advice Of How You Overcome This?

I Don't Want Them To Control My Life Anymore.



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blondie2002
Feb 13 2014 07:47 PM
I wish I could. I'm still struggling with this as well. *sitting with you*
Hi stronger! I've read something that I've tried myself from a book called "Recovering From Rape" by Linda Ledray. In her book she suggests something that has helped survivors that she has worked with which is to go back to your memory of when you encountered the perpetrator and imagine that you are there and that you become gigantic in size and that you kick the perpetrator away far from you and also you can see the perpetrator's expression of fear on his/her face. This technique is called "taking back your power." I think its worth a try to see if it helps you feel empowered. Love, Salemkitty

sending you safe hugs. 

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