Jump to content






Photo

Just Breathing

Posted by brittney44 , 16 October 2013 · 103 views

Breathe. That's what I must do. That's all I can do. Air goes in and the air goes out. I must continue to breathe so that I will live. Although sometimes I don't want to breathe I have to. I have so many people depending on me and needing me. But why? Why do people need me? I don't understand what good I do for anyone. Why must I continue to breathe? I don't want to most time.

This is what I think about most nights. These are the thoughts that bring me to self harm. But I like it. I don't know why. I like the pain feeling. I like the feeling of pain because it means that I can still feel. I wish to stop soon though. Nineteen scars are to many for someone my age. To many for anyone. I am seventeen years old, and I feel as if I have the stress of a forty five year old. Why?

I just wish I could have these answers. I really want to understand. But I don't have any answers. No one does. Everything happens for a reason. But what is my reason? Is it to help others? Is it to show people happiness? Why? Dear God I have got to figure this stuff out. I have too. There has to be a way. I am determined to figure out why this has happened to me. It has destroyed my old life. It has destroyed my old self. But who am I now? Someone better?

So tonight I find myself sitting here, breathing, listening to my breaths. In out, in out, in out, deep breaths. I find myself wondering, thinking, deciding, contemplating, looking at options. I find myself living, surviving, accomplishing.



December 2014

S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
1415161718 19 20
21222324252627
28293031   

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Categories

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.