The Fires Burn
Maybe if I just jot down here what is going on this will all make more sense. 3 years ago I went to be at my mother's bedside while she was in her last days of life. I ended up in the hospital myself. I was only in the hospital for a few days. My mother and I had really only had any sembelence of a relationship probably in the previous 10 years and even those weren't the greatest. When I was finally able to see her again, she didn't remember me. She passed away Dec.7,2010. Rejection of my childhood surfaces again.
As if this isn't enough to deal with, my little ones are dealing with the past with the custody crap and the hurt that was caused from being caught in the crossfire. And, that in culmination of memories of CSA/R*pe that happened throughout my childhood but especially during the holidays.. There is more. So much more. And All of it seems to be fires that are burning out of control for me.
I feel like I am stomping to put out one fire and another pops up. I get that one out and the other one pops up again. How in the hell am I going to get through this? I don't think I can. I am too overwhelmed.