I had suffered for a long time now. And now realizing that I have a problem. Going back through the years of being tormented as a child.. then getting older and going through sexual abuse more than once .. And while this was happening, my best friend in the world passed away on my 17th birthday from a very bad car wreck.. on top of all this my grandmother died..
I found myself that I needed release and I began to cut. I get ashamed after every time it happens and I try to hide it. I feel the urge everyday and I wish that feeling would go away. I try to ignore it; try to do things with my kids so the feeling isn't so strong.
I found myself pushing more and more emotions deeper inside myself. I think now that I should have dealt with them as they happened .. Get angry..get mad.. get sad.. Whatever the feeling was, instead of building a wall inside myself and becoming depressed.
I have met the man of my dreams and he is my husband and the father of my 2 girls. He is trying to help me cope with my inner demons. I have hurt him so much in the past and now, and never ever meant to. He is the love of my life. I have a problem with feeling attraction and I need to feel that from people .. so I search and reach out for it. My brother-in-law who is in the medical field suggested that the reason I do this can be resulted from the traumas. I only wish that I can control in. I do not want to hurt him anymore. He is my lifeline .. He gives me more than any person on this earth has.
I do hope that this site can help me as well heal ..