Jump to content






Photo

My Father Is Not Here

Posted by lauru , 20 January 2014 · 88 views

I am officially moved into my new home in my new city. I am far away from where I was. Far away from the room where I was molested and raped. My father, who has been haunting me, is not here. He is not here. This is the first time since I moved back to my childhood home where I do not feel my dead father's essence around me. My father has been hanging around and tormenting me. Whether it is real or only in my mind, is a moot point. It doesn't matter if it is real or not because it is real for me. I have been on medication to keep him at bay, or the thoughts of him. I know he is real. My psychiatrist thinks that is a delusional thought, But regardless, he is not here in my new home. My brand spanking, new home. For the first time in my life I am truly free. I was free of him briefly, but was with a controlling woman. Now I am on my own. Free from her and free from him. For the first time in my life I actually own a couch! I know that is not a big deal to some people, but I have been seriously mentally ill for years. So I was unable to financially afford a couch. Now at 41, I finally have a couch! I take it as a sign of good things to come. 
 
My father is not here. My relief is indescribable. I feel like a real person for the first time in my life. I feel like I have a life for the first time. My mood is stable, I am not swinging between mania and depression. I am working full time and going to graduate school full time. Things are good. Finally. But the most amazing, important thing, is that my father is not here!



I'm doing a happy dance with you! You very much deserve this!! :)

lauru.  AWESOME SAUCE!! So happy for you. You give me hope.

So happy for you!

Thanks everyone! I'm doing a happy dance too!

Photo
Ardeaherodias
Feb 01 2014 05:33 PM
I wish you all the best in your new home!
Photo
whodatninja
Feb 11 2014 10:57 PM
woot no ghosts and a brand new couch! totally feels
Photo
whodatninja
Feb 11 2014 10:57 PM
woot no ghosts and a brand new couch! totally feels

April 2014

S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
1314151617 18 19
20212223242526
27282930   

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Categories

Search My Blog

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.