I am officially moved into my new home in my new city. I am far away from where I was. Far away from the room where I was molested and raped. My father, who has been haunting me, is not here. He is not here. This is the first time since I moved back to my childhood home where I do not feel my dead father's essence around me. My father has been hanging around and tormenting me. Whether it is real or only in my mind, is a moot point. It doesn't matter if it is real or not because it is real for me. I have been on medication to keep him at bay, or the thoughts of him. I know he is real. My psychiatrist thinks that is a delusional thought, But regardless, he is not here in my new home. My brand spanking, new home. For the first time in my life I am truly free. I was free of him briefly, but was with a controlling woman. Now I am on my own. Free from her and free from him. For the first time in my life I actually own a couch! I know that is not a big deal to some people, but I have been seriously mentally ill for years. So I was unable to financially afford a couch. Now at 41, I finally have a couch! I take it as a sign of good things to come.
My father is not here. My relief is indescribable. I feel like a real person for the first time in my life. I feel like I have a life for the first time. My mood is stable, I am not swinging between mania and depression. I am working full time and going to graduate school full time. Things are good. Finally. But the most amazing, important thing, is that my father is not here!