My husband doesn't believe he ever hurt me. Even after I told him what happened, how it left me feeling scared and intimidated, he didn't believe it. He said the 7 years before that should make up for a few moments when he lost his temper... besides, I deserved it. If I feel scared it's just because I'm too fragile.
My co-worker took me in. I'm living in her spare room and sharing her house. So far it is going well. Pretty soon we will have to talk about how long this arrangement can last.
I don't want to go back to his place. We lived in an apartment behind his parent's home. They are a huge part of the problem, on so many levels. They never required him to grow up. He's co-dependent. Now that I'm gone he's just replaced me with them.
He's been the stay at home Dad for about 3 years, since our son was three months old. Our son is still with him the majority of the time, and so far has not been able to stay the night here with me. I have tried... his breakdowns are so severe that I can't see the benefit to forcing the issue. He hides in the corner, kicking and screaming for me to not touch him, saying that he doesn't want to sleep here, that he needs Daddy. It breaks my heart.
I can't handle being the one to force a small child to do something against their will. Even if I don't believe it's hurting him, honestly I can see that it clearly is.
My therapist agrees that this is a stress that neither of us need right now.
I have told my husband the first few major things he needs to work on, if we are going to stay married.
Get a job
The easiest thing on that list would be to start submitting job applications. So far, in three weeks, he hasn't.
He's civil with me when we talk. However he slips in a guilt trip anywhere he can, usually about our son and how I'm hurting him.
Truthfully, I do not see this ending in any way other than divorce. My therapist agrees, but has strongly encouraged that I wait to file any paperwork... not in hopes that I change my mind, but life has been so stressful, he's afraid of adding more stress right now. I (somewhat reluctantly) agree with him.