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Sensitive Signs

Posted by sailor , in Therapy 26 November 2013 · 201 views

Since starting therapy and being diagnosed with PTSD, I'm slowly learning that some "odd" behaviors I've always had may be a part of it. I told my therapist that I've always been over sensitive. We talked a little and then I started a list... 
My sensitivities- and fears... a short list for now.

  • Taste- texture more than flavor.

  • Light- both too bright and too dark.

  • Sound- I startle easily, though I can hide it. I need white noise to sleep. Without it I hear a sharp ringing that I can't ignore.

  • Teeth- dental picks make me cringe, when I go for a cleaning I have goosebumps the entire time. When I feel the picks catch on something, I fear my teeth will break.

  • Body hair- especially bad on my legs, where I have been shaving for 16 years. I recently stopped and allowed the hair to grow back. I hate the feeling of the hair brushing backwards. It is hard to get comfortable at night in bed.

  • Pubic hair- I keep it short because I hate the feeling of it long. The hair ends up curling in to the sensitive areas and I feel it poking/scratching me.

  • Smell- body smells, perfume

  • Sock seams (outgrown, but it was a big problem as a kid)

  • Clothing tags- still drive me crazy, but I leave most intact now

  • Gag reflex- very sensitive, I gag almost every day just brushing my teeth

  • Touch- I hate touching fine grit sandpaper, or fired but unfinished pottery

  • Emotions- I'm easily affected by the moods around me.

  • Nipples- I have a small threshold for nipple stimulation. Mostly I hate it. Nursing my son was very difficult. At first they were so sensitive, and he had a bad latch, they were torn apart and bleeding for a few weeks. Once that cleared up and he was nursing all the time, they were desensitized. Completely. I couldn't feel a thing. After two years he started to self wean and the less he nursed, the more I felt. Towards the end it was almost unbearable. I could feel every change in pressure as he nursed and every lick of his tongue, my whole body would tense and I wanted to run away. I cried a lot while nursing him because I wanted to do what was right for him but at times I hated it.
I've always been nervous about anything being inserted in to me... I've been afraid of tampons my whole life, I've never used them. I can't consider using contraceptive devices that have to be inserted and left there, I'm too afraid that they will hurt or never come out.
I'm afraid of people watching me. This has lessened with time but it is still pretty strong.
I hate preforming for them.
I handed this to him. He sat quietly and read it all over... only remarked a couple times, mostly nodded, and absorbed what I had written... when he finished, he looked up at me and said, "This sounds like it points back to sexual abuse. Almost all of it."

July 2016

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