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sailor's Blog


Locked Away - Memories

Posted by sailor , 04 March 2014 · 152 views

Two weeks ago I traveled to my home state for a grand jury hearing. I believe it was more of a formality... they already knew everything, they actually know more than I do, they just needed to hear it from me first hand.
I took a friend with me. We arrived at the court house and were greeted by my victim's advocate, the detective I have been workin...


Grand Jury

Posted by sailor , 08 February 2014 · 116 views

I received the most official looking piece of mail the other day.
"You are hereby commanded to appear before the grand jury as a witness...."
Yes, those first six words are even in bold type. I may be the victim, but it sounds like they consider me an untrustworthy criminal.
In two weeks I will speak to a jury of seven people. The district attorne...



Posted by sailor , 08 December 2013 · 163 views

I am a victim.
I was neglected.
This was not all done by one person.
I live with PTSD.
I have to remind myself that each statement can be left as is. I don't have to explain further. I don't have to compare my experiences to what others have gone through.
I have always m...


I Left

Posted by sailor , in Bad Marriage 01 December 2013 · 163 views

Three weeks ago, I moved out.
My husband doesn't believe he ever hurt me. Even after I told him what happened, how it left me feeling scared and intimidated, he didn't believe it. He said the 7 years before that should make up for a few moments when he lost his temper... besides, I deserved it. If I feel scared it's just because I'm too fragile....


Sensitive Signs

Posted by sailor , in Therapy 26 November 2013 · 166 views

Since starting therapy and being diagnosed with PTSD, I'm slowly learning that some "odd" behaviors I've always had may be a part of it. I told my therapist that I've always been over sensitive. We talked a little and then I started a list... 


I Don't Remember, But He Does

Posted by sailor , 13 November 2013 · 228 views

For the past 20 years, I have been in a dark place, with only enough light to see him sitting, waiting, haunting my steps. I've had one memory to draw from, where I knew he touched me, but it's hard to pin point those details.
I've lived with the feeling that what I remember was only the surface of the truth. I never thought I would have that confi...



Posted by sailor , in Bad Marriage 01 November 2013 · 237 views

I've been with my husband for 8 years, and each one has been a struggle. An internal one, that I kept very well to myself.
I didn't like who I was when I met him. I preferred his ideal of "the right woman." I shelved my baggage. I pretended to be more mature than my 19 years of neglect and abuse. I put my needs aside and focused on making him happy.
I wou...

November 2015

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