I discovered why I hate taking showers. They make me cry. All day i felt distant and unemotional until I showered and it's like something inside me shattered and I started crying. Showers make me feel. That's why I avoid showers.
My second appointment with my therapist was too much for me. I felt shameful, icky, and vulnerable. I also set a boundary with my abuser and told him to stop calling/text me. Maybe that's why I've felt so numb today.
Grieving the loss of some friends I never really had.
I'm going to sit here and replay "lost cause" by Beck over and over again while I continue playing video games.