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I think my t does really care.

Posted by angelsun , 15 February 2014 · 141 views

Struggling with many things almost sent me overboard.  I decided to call my t.  I knew he wouldn't get the message til late in the day, but perhaps, just hearing his voice was all I needed.  I have never called him although he has told me to do so anytime.  I guess I just don't want to sound like a freak on the phone to him.  I le...


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Rough t session, then more......

Posted by angelsun , 11 February 2014 · 138 views

Had a hard session with my t.  He didn't understand, well, because he hit a nerve that I just couldn't bear to let him in on.  Perhaps in time, I can share another part of my history.  I struggled. He was kind and compassionate as always, but he just didn't get what was going on with me.
 
So on the way home I stop for a drink to unwin...


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Finally found what I needed but now so afraid of it.

Posted by angelsun , 05 February 2014 · 174 views

I think I found what I have been looking for.  An experienced, caring, compassion and understanding t.  I had written him a letter explaining some of my thoughts and fears, some things I needed him to know but couldn't seem to tell him.  No details of my "r" just thoughts about him and how he can help me.  How I feel so isolated and sc...


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Nowhere to go, nowhere to turn......

Posted by angelsun , 01 December 2013 · 324 views

I have nowhere to go, nowhere to turn.  I've been fighting this most of the day. I want to feel normal again, I want all these memories to disappear.  My intrusive thoughts and feelings have taken over again.  Every time I turn around something slaps me in the face.  I sit here with family around me and yet they have no idea what is go...


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Not off to a good start on this holiday.

Posted by angelsun , 28 November 2013 · 177 views

It took everything out of me to get my turkey prepared and in the oven.  I am falling apart today.  I am trying to hold it together so that my husband doesn't question whats wrong with me.  He has already done it once today.  I have no answers.  I'm sad, I'm hurt and I am scared.  It came over me suddenly this morning. Why ca...


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Another day in my life

Posted by angelsun , 14 November 2013 · 145 views

It is starting again this morning.  What is going on with me, why are things so strong?  I keep trying to put
it out of my mind, trying to ease it up and be compassionate to myself.  It is scary though, too much fear from
this is making it unmanagable.  I miss my t, I miss her desperately. She doesn't understand and I can't find the
wo...


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Why is it so painful.....

Posted by angelsun , 13 November 2013 · 206 views

They tell me it is not my fault, they tell me that I didn't deserve it.  Why is it so painful then?  Why is it so hard to work thru?  I don't know, I don't know if I will ever know.  It is hard to believe in me right now.  Working thru some of this is very unsettling.  They tell me I need to open up, I need to talk about thes...


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Shame is destroying me...........

Posted by angelsun , 10 October 2013 · 156 views

Here I am again, wallowing in my misery. No hope in sight, no ray of light, no sign of this lifting. I'm driving myself crazy. I need someone to see me, see my pain, show me the way out of this dark lonely hole. How can they help when I can't find the words to express what is happening to me. I can't speak, I can't ask for the help. H...


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When........

Posted by angelsun , 09 October 2013 · 94 views

When does it get better, when do these horrible feelings go away, when does someone understand what this is doing to me?
I am tired, so sick and tired of being in the dark hole. When does it lift, when does it lessen some? No one can see what this is doing to me, no one can see how painful it is, no one knows how lonely it is here. I am still so very l...


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Acknowledging, how painful and scary

Posted by angelsun , 27 September 2013 · 186 views

Could it be that I am actually accepting what happened, I am fully acknowledging what went on, is that why it is so painful, is that why I can't keep myself together. It seems like it is turning inside of me and wants to get out. How do I let it out, how do I bear the shame of revealing something I don't completely understand or remember. But t...






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