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Body memories are controlling my life

Posted by panda.xoxo , in PTSD Progress 28 September 2013 · 84 views

Off I go for another shower. I can't stop the body memories. Just yesterday I used up an entire bar of soap in one shower and still felt his grossness all over me... all through my body... I just want a friend to come into my room and sit on my bed and hold me until I cry or fall asleep. I just need to be safe... I feel so disgusting and I just feel him all over me... Whatever I did to deserve this, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... just make it stop... Please...

:bawling: :bawling: :bawling:

Sep 28 2013 02:17 PM
I am sorry that it happened to you. I am on the verge of tears as I read what you have wrote due to I am aware I will feel as you do when I start therapy. I can't think of anything more gross than being touched against my will. I hate the thought of it. I have tried to soothe some of the thought of the rapist 19 touching me... by exfoliating with a exfoliation wash cloth with lots and lots of soap on it. It has helped me feel soothed. I also have used armomatherapy oils to try and disinfect myself all over. I like eucalyptus, and thyme oil! I think of these methods as an ad·junct or a thing added to something else (or my SA recovery or therapy) as a supplementary rather than an essential part. Nevertheless, it makes me feel better...even if it is a temporary feeling. I like this method ...opposed to actually hurting myself or something like that. Take gentle care. I know this will lessen for you as you process the body memories and heal simultaneously or at the same time.
Thank you so much for your comment <3 I have not tried aromatherapy oils... it sounds like a really good idea though, because most of the time I just want to scrub all my skin off. Trying to learn to be gentle with myself. Take care friend <3 <3

August 2014

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