I'm just sad. Sad for the little girl that was spanked and had bars of soap shoved in her mouth. Sad for the girl that was sexually abused for months and had no voice. Sad for the girl who was sexually assaulted and so ashamed she erased it from her mind until watching a lifetime movie,years later, where the type of assault was considered a rape. Finally though able to tell one person, her partner. I told someone what had happened. Finally. I'm sad for the girl who has only a vague idea of what it means to love and be loved. Sad for the girl who now only knows what it means to have someone care. I'm just sad. This girl is hurting and I haven't a clue how to make her better. While the grown up her has put back all the pieces and collected everything the little girl aches for something. I don't know what she wants. To be loved? Cared for? Respected? Validated? Why can't she grasp and accept she is all of these things? She keeps pulling me back. Pulling me back to remind me of the pain. The pain and heart ache that had to be endured. I want to shake her and tell her to let it go. Accept what happened and move on!!!!! Everything will be ok. You are ok! But we're treading high water. Stuck in a place where it feels as there is no hope for this girl. I want to leave her but it hurts to much. How can I leave this little girl inside that is sad, broken and confused? But I know I am so much better without her. I am happy. I'm free from the pain. What can I do?