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I hate being so angry

Posted by wildnfree , 25 May 2014 · 52 views

I've been ridiculously angry these past few weeks. Idk why exactly, it could be lot of things This month marks a year since my grandma passed away. She was one of my closest family members. Once she died, I let go of trying to get close to my family...they denied the CSA and don't care how I or any other abused cousins have been affected.

It's been 2+ years since getting out of toxic, abusive relationships and I'm still angry. Im angry at the people that claimed to love me, but hurt me instead. I thought I could trust my church family, but I was horribly wrong.They roped me into their sick world, used me then left me dry after I got away from them. I'm angry I can never be the carefree, innocent girl I once was. I hate the flashbacks that enter my dreams and terrorize me. I hate that I've distanced myself from so many people because I was afraid to say what happened to me. Idk if they'd care or blame me. I've been blamed for so long, I didn't expect anything different.

I'm angry that I may have a chronic illness that causes immense pain, yet no one seems to care. Why cant my body be normal? Why cant I be normal? Ive lost so much from all of this....its bad enough I was sexually abused, but it feels like a double whammy knowing I have endometriosis too. It's a gynecological issue. I may not be able to have kids b/c of it :( This sucks

October 2014

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